The girl was sad. Her stepfather was drunk again and the whole apartment was smothered by fumes of alcohol. His increasing drunken shouts, like the background music, bounced around the girls’ mind. It was her birthday and her mother had made salads and dressed the cake. She was dressed up and waiting for classmates who were invited to the party. But while the clock unceasingly walked forward, and the stepfather become irrevocably more drunk she got smothered by even more complete and horrendous throbbing; the realization that nobody was coming.

Any bursting bright joy that she had felt this morning had been choked away and was now dead. First she cried because bitterness like charcoal burned her chest. Then she wanted to scream, but since the stepfather had already done that, there was no room left for her desperate screams.

When the clock was already 2 hours past the time guests were supposed to arrive and all the tears had gone, she was poking around the salad bowl that the mommy had laid before her. She cold not talk even to her anymore, because mommy had already begun her angry dispute with stepfather.

This quarrel was as all others, a well-known waltz, a cruel dance that they performed in perfect precision – the same accusations rolled against each other, the arguments and threats and screams until the hands were launched too, and everything ended up with a cry of pain and fear imposed like the lid over the last argument of any dispute.

The girl knew it, and since the dance of their despair and anger had already begun, her pain was no longer their concern. She was alone to deal with it. “Oh God! I don’t understand! Why are they fighting? Why are they hurting each other? Why? All of it so wrong! Where are you??!!!!”

The girl felt like sinking…

“Want to join me in my Father’s hiding place?” Offered Yeshua who was sitting on the wooden floor. He leaned against the old warm oven that stretched from floor to the ceiling and radiated quiet warmth. He was relaxed but his expression was sad. He was looking at the girl.

”You came!” The little girl exclaimed. Tears began to roll again over her cheeks.
“I never left you.” Jesus quietly said. The girl reached out to him, clung around his neck and wept.

“All will be well. I promise.” Jesus quietly, but certainly whispered in her ear.

“It hurts so SO SOOOO MUCH!!!” she hiccupped and murmured.

“I know honey, oh I know.” He whispered in her ear while she poured out her hurt on his shoulder. A silent tears were running down his cheeks too.

Despair and hurt poured out in flooding waves. Jesus was holding her in his arms and absorbed it all until the broken dumb empty silence came. Have you ever been to this silence? In the place when everything is cried out, screamed out, beaten out at the walls…. and the silence as a heavy blanket rolls over you?

The girl was done with crying. She was sitting beside Jesus in some strange place. Was it a tent? The arch shaped walls meeting above their heads. It had a strange soft glowing blue. She could not understand what is it exactly that she was seeing around her, so she stretched out her hand and touched one of the walls. These really were feathers!

“Where are we?” She mumbled

“Under my Father’s wings.” Yeshua said with a smile.

The atmosphere was pregnant with peace… it was a place where everything good was possible. All that is good, pure, secure, joyful, beautiful, creative, ALL was being born here, in this still, pregnant place of creative peace.

She breathed in deeply and relaxed with every breath taken. The heavy emptiness in her loosened up and filled with Peace and they both rested and enjoyed the time of just – being. When was the last time you could just be? Be who you are, as you are? No need to pretend or make something up? With someone who just “gets you” as you are right at the moment?  The girl enjoyed this moment and thought that this, in spite of all that had happened still is the best birthday ever – being with the best friend who understands her and who wants to be with her and they can simply – be. She sighed while pondering it all and smiled.  “Thank you Yeshua. … for everything.” she whispered.

After some time she started to notice that they were not entirely alone. The earth breathed life and if you looked carefully you could see what was going on beyond the walls

“What is out there?” She quietly asked

“Well…” he said getting up to the sitting position beside her. Yeshua looked in her eyes filling up with enthusiasm and sparks of joy. “From here you can see things the way they really are. How they have been created to be.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everything is alive here. When you spend time here you become alive again too. And as you yourself become more healed and restored to the truth, you can see again the true nature of everything else.”

She paused while thinking on it. She was thinking about daddy and mommy locked in their dance of hate and hurt. She felt like she could almost hear the echo of their anger tune somewhere far away beyond these walls… but it was somehow different now. She was not sure how, so she turned her head and looked over her shoulder.

Out in the open was a platform were two more kids were standing on the opposite side of the huge mirror/window. The platform was slowly turning around and from her safe hiding place the girl and Yeshua were observing the scene.

The two kids were looking at each other through the glass of this window screaming and crying. A girl with shoulder-length brownish black hair, in a yellow dress and gray sandals on her feet. Here hands were flexed into fists. Her face red with anger and hurt was looking into the mirror … but the reflection/ image she was seeing was not the boy. She was seeing the huge evil grinning monster with drunk swimming eyes, with big hard hands with curled fists. This monster did not have ears and he was blind. His face was filled with arrogance and cruel anger. He was laughing at the tiny girl on the other side of the glass.

When the platform turned around the girl gasped and squeezed the hand of Yeshua. She was seeing that there was no monster on the other side. There stood a small boy who looked angry and hurt too. He was thin and his muddy brown pants were worn out and stitched in so many places. His shirt probably in its early days was white but now hardly fit him and had a grayish look to it. He was trying to stretch bigger then he was, almost standing on his tiptoes the entire time while shouting to the image on the other side of the glass. The tears of helplessness and despair were running over his cheeks faster than he managed to wipe them away.

The image he was looking at was impressive. A woman-like monster with cold expressionless face and empty eyes was standing there and every time this thing opened its mouth a flood of black substance poured over the boy’s tiny figure. He screamed in pain and fought back.

The platform was turning around and the tiny fist that was protecting and fighting off the black wave of monster on the other side of the mirror turned into the huge fist whipping to the ground the girl in the yellow dress.

“What IS this?!” gasped the girl who looked to Yeshua. “Who are they?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know!” Then she stilled. She heard the familiar voices and words of accusation. She gasped and turned to look again. The two kids were talking and shouting in the voices of her parents.

“What is going on?” She turned to Yeshua again.

“Do you recognize them?”

“Yea.. I think so… but how? Why? I still don’t understand!”

“They are fighting their monsters but they miss the fact that the only ones they are able to hurt in the process are themselves and the each other. The monsters just feed on the misery and anger and fight.”

“But how come? Why they are doing it? Why don’t they just stop and talk?!”

“They cannot talk to monsters,” sadly remarked Yeshua. “I understand that.” he sighed.

“But why are they even trying to talk to the monsters? Why are they not talking to each other??!!” the girl asked, feeling exasperated.

“They have lost each other. They don’t see each other anymore. All they see is the monster in front of them. So they’re just defending themselves.”

“They are blind!” gasped the girl quietly and sank down to the floor. “ Could they come here and heal? Can you help them?”

“They are welcome here … but they don’t talk to my Father or me, they do not listen. Yes I can help them,” Yeshua wishfully commented, then sighed, “but they don’t want help. And now my Father said unless they ask me for help it is rude to invade. Everyone is welcome here, but they must come willingly. I sometimes wonder myself, why people are too busy hurting each other and themselves. They cry out and accuse my Father for all the pain but they don’t want to spend time to come here, to listen, to heal, to be! ”

“I will talk to them!” decided the girl while still watching an endless carousel of her parents beyond her hiding place.

Then she started to remember her own angry words toward her stepfather and mommy and she was seeing how her words were creating the monsters that were adding pain to them. Then she remembered her own angry words to God and all suddenly made sense, like some one turned on the light bulb.

A hiding place where she can heal…. words that create monsters…. blindness to each other… pain created…. anger toward God…

“OH!!!” she gasped. shame and fear arise in her. “I am sorry! I am so sorry! Forgive me! I did not realize… I never wanted to hurt them too! Oh Yeshua, I am so sorry…I did that too! I was angry at God too … !! Will He forgive me? Oh forgive me God!”

“I know,” Yeshua added, now being a bit silly,  “but He loves you anyway. He understands. Just TALK to Him, He loves to talk to you and He loves to be with you. You are here now! You will heal!” He smiled now looking at the girl. “ You can ask my Father anything! He always listens to you! I know He always knows how to talk to people and then we can talk to them together! I would so love to fight these monsters for your parents too!”  Jesus commented eagerly, his eyes sparkling in the anticipation of future victories.

Wide eyed she stared at Yeshua. A thousand questions ran through her mind. “What do you mean? Who is your father? I don’t know him! What do you mean – he listens to me!?

“Oooh. He LOVES you! He is soooo happy you wanted to be friends! He’s been waiting for that day from the beginning of time! He treasures every moment we are together. He listens to every word you say. To every thought you have, He is so in love with you. You are his chosen treasure, remember?!” Yeshua was joyfully proclaiming the statements that were so alien to the girl that she just kept looking to him in awe. Yeshua paused, then grinned with all his face and eyes and being and added “this is so cool! This is the perfect gift for your birthday!”

“What is?” whispered the girl.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Yeshua laughingly asked .

“Don’t get what?!”

“You being HERE today, you seeing your parents as they are now!” He was looking at her with anticipation.

“I … I still don’t understand” the girl uttered almost soundlessly.

“It is ok.” smiled Yeshua. “What did you want, what did you ask before we met?

“I wanted God to be real and for us to be friends.”

“What happened?”

“You came.”

“What did you want today?”

“I …. wanted to know why my parents are the way they are…”

“And my Father showed you that! He loves you! We are here, under His wings so you can rest, heal and be whole again, and feel safe! You still don’t understand? He IS YOUR FATHER TOO! ….. if you just let Him.”

As Yeshua was talking all the atmosphere stilled… then filled with a presence of Majesty. A man had silently come and joined them. He called the girl by name. Then opened his arms inviting her to embrace. She made one tentative step towards Him and He was already bending down toward her and scooping her up in embrace. Quiet words of reassurance, love and acceptance poured over her heart. One more dam of hurt collapsed and she emptied herself in tears in the safest place to be found, in the arms of the Majesty, King of the universe, her Father.

Her room was dark. The birthday table was cleaned up. As always – Her napkin neatly folded on the chair beside the table was waiting for a new day . As always – tomorrow she will go to school again. As always, her parents after their routine fight were asleep in the next room. But she was so full of the wonders from today’s visit, she could not sleep. Nothing was as always in her life now. She met her Father! She still could not believe it- God wanted to be her Father…. “Daddy.” she whispered and smiled. She loved the sound of this word and the feelings that this word created inside her. Daddy … Daddy…. Daddy… she repeated in her mind and smiled. “It is so cool to have you, Daddy”, she added in her mind.

Yeshua was stretching beside her and the kids were whispering to each other

“I want to give Him a gift.”

“Hmm? What kind of gift?”

“I don’t know. Something that would make Him smile. Does He like gifts?”

“Sure He does!”

In her mind she formed a kiss in the air. “For you, Daddy!” She whispered.  She blew the Kiss, then the Kiss stretched, the Kiss arranged its bright red dress, pinned her bright red hair with a sparkling water-drop pin and boldly marched upwards. The kiss ran into the throne room of the King, it climbed up His robes until it reached His face, then stretched her hands as wide as she just could and clung to His cheek! Booming laughter filled the atmosphere when the King found the Kiss from His little daughter hanging tight onto His cheek.

“I love you too!” He whispered. And the girl finally fell asleep.

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.  Psalm 91:1-4

Hello Sisters and Brothers,

It is a first for me to share something other than an original work by one of our contributors.  This stirring word from Lana Vawser goes to the heart of why Wholehearted Women exists – namely, to see believers step into the fullness of their identity in Christ.  I hope it inspires you to believe and move into the fullness of who you are IN Christ Jesus.  Love and blessings to you.

Here is the post from:  LanaVawser.com

THERE IS A GREAT OUTPOURING OF THE REVELATION OF HIS LOVE UPON THE DAUGHTERS OF GOD THAT IS GOING TO BRING THE GREATEST MANIFESTATION OF FREEDOM THEY HAVE EVER KNOWN

“Are you real?”  Where are you? I’m so scared and so very much alone!” A little girl of 7 or 8 was sitting on the end of an old bed hugging her legs and hiding her face in her knees. She was crying and talking to God: “In that fairytale you opened up the sea! And our neighbor, old Martha, said you are real and you hear what we say. I don’t like to be alone. Do you really hear me? Oh I wish so much you would be real! Please, be real!” she was sobbing and mumbling on.

“Lena has an imaginary friend. She was telling us about this friend who never leaves her and they play together all the time! My Mom thinks that is silly and it is better to play with real friends. But…. perhaps… could You, God, be my imaginary friend? How cool would that be? We could play together and you could stop the rain so we could stay outside longer! You could tell me if Uncle Oscar is sober and if it is safe to go home or not. You would know things like that, wouldn’t you? God knows all things, right? Oh! I wish you were real!”

“What if I am?” A calm voice filled with love and peace whispered the question inside the girl’s mind. She breathed in sharply and her breath caught in surprise and went still, listening and waiting.

IT WAS a dark and dirty room. The electricity was turned off a long time ago, so when evening came there were no bright lights to scare away dark shadows from scarce furniture, and long lights from passing cars were creating ghostly shapes on the old yellowish wallpaper.

“Hi. I would love to be your friend! “ A boy about the same age was mimicking the pose of the girl while sitting on the opposite side of the bed. But he was looking at the girl. There was something special about this boy. There was no fear in him. Endless peace and life radiated from him and all the room felt light. His curious eyes where fixed on the girl, waiting on her reply. She looked up from her knees and stared at the boy. She ought to be afraid to see a boy in the room, sitting on her bed, but there was no room left for anything but the miracle of this meeting.

“Cool!” mumbled the girl.  And then she added outlaid, “What’s your name?”

“Yeshua.”

“That’s the strangest name I have ever heard!” Then smilingly she added  – “But I like it! Will you stay and play with me?”

“I would love to stay with you! And I love to play too.”

“What is your favorite game?”

“Depends. But I love to fight monsters! Come!” He said to the girl jumping off the bed and stretching his hand out to her. She hesitated.

“I … I don’t like fighting. I will lose. And I definitely don’t like monsters.”

Yeshua stopped, came back to the bed, sat closer to the girl and gently said,

“I know. It’s not fun to lose. But I’m here to show you how to win. When you’re with me I won’t let any monster touch you. And…it’s gonna be SO MUCH FUN!” He added longingly. The anticipation and joy was brimming over him and becoming almost tangible. He could hardly sit still.

The girl had to smile. You know, true joy is contagious. Yeshua stood up from the bed and stretched his hand out again in invitation.

“Trust me! Come on! It IS gonna be FUN!!”

“Ooooh! Ok!” She said and jumped out of the bed and put her hand in the hand of Yeshua.

A school yard. It was sunny day and the kids where on their lunch break. In a small cluster they were enjoying their lunches from home. Laughter and conversation filled the small courtyard of the school. The biggest group of kids was sitting under the tree, and some others were on the grass.

“Look there!” whispered Yeshua.

Yeshua pointed to the end of the courtyard where three boys were standing. Two of them were laughing at the third one. The third boy was sitting on the ground and hiding his face in his arms, while the other two were shouting sarcastic and angry words at him.

“HEY YOU! Chicken!….CHICK- KEN!”

Then as the words were said, suddenly a huge and angry hen appeared in the air. It was twice the size of the kid yelling the words. The chicken ruffled its feathers, looked around and then when it found the subject of the words, started to go towards the sitting boy.

“Do you see it? Asked Yeshua anxiously.

“Wow! Yeah, what is that?”

“The chicken; the word-monster created by that boy!”

“What!? she looked at Yeshua perplexed. “There are NO word-monsters!”

“Yes, there ARE! Don’t you SEE?”

“Where did it come from?”

“The boy created it!”

“How?!”

“Every time you say words you CREATE what you proclaim!”

She looked at Yeshua stunned. Then she looked at the ugly chicken that was approaching the boy.

“YOU UGLY CHICKEN!!!” Yelled the pair, and with every word the chicken-monster grew even bigger. The hen attacked and the boy shrugged every time its huge beak bit at his head, shoulders, arms and back.

“Do something!” cried the girl. “You said it was gonna be fun, and it’s NOT!!” She was anxiously shaking Yeshua’s arm.

“Just wait and see!” Yeshua told her and ran up to the besieged boy. He whispered something in his ear. The boy got still, and then he looked up.

“I forgive you,” he whispered. “I am an eagle.” He quietly but confidently pronounced.

At the same moment a mighty eagle appeared and ascended from the sky above. With one swift circle he plucked up the ugly, screaming chick and threw it in the air where it disappeared. Then it flew down and stood behind the boy, covering him with its wings.

Yeshua was hooping and dancing beside the boy. Then he looked at the girl and called out,

“I told you IT’S SO MUCH FUN!”

The girl watching the scene was stunned. “Yeah!! But what happened? What is it?”

“Simple!” Said Yeshua while sitting down beside the girl.

“Life and death are in the power of your words. Choose life! Proclaim life! CREATE Life!”

“But it’s not real!” Protested the girl.

“Oh, really? Does it hurt you when some one calls you names? How can it hurt you if it is not real?”

She was thinking. Remembering all the hurtful words said about her in school and at home. In her mind every word became a sword or an axe; and then she saw the monsters attacking her, cutting her open and leaving her bleeding. Tears again started to run down her cheeks. A quiet but concerned voice caught her attention,

“I would love to help you? Please, honey I can’t watch you suffer like this, please, please let me stop this!” She looked at him and tilted her head.

“Can you? Please!”

In the next moment, both of them were in an open space. The air was filled with the smell of honey and flowers. Feelings of comfort, security, love and coziness filled the atmosphere. Yeshua sat down in a big bean-bag chair and breathed out in relief.

“Come, we need to talk” she was still looking around in amazement.

“Where are we? What is this place?” she asked.

“One of the hiding places in my Fathers house.”

“Your Father’s house?”

“Yeah.” Replied Yeshua smilingly. “I come here every time I need to think or hide or rest. And by the way, He said to tell you that you are always very welcome to come here too!”

The girl looked at him with wide eyes filled with surprise, hope and disbelief. But Yeshua was back to the subject He had started on before,

“Listen. I have some questions for you. You said you don’t believe that words can hurt, but they do! Do you know WHY or how?”

“I am not sure.” the girl remarked sadly.

“They hurt because they become REAL when you believe them. They are real monsters, created by those who speak them into existence. But you have the power to stop them.”

“How?”

“Easy!” Smiled Yeshua. “First, you must recognize that they are lies, know that they are not true. Then, you think the opposite and CREATE that by pronouncing it aloud. You, as champion, will win over the monster! Simple. Do you see?” announced Yeshua, beaming with a smile.

“But there are so many of them!”

“I know,” remarked Yeshua gently. “But we will fight them one by one. And I will be with you! I will help.”

“OK.” she said.

A sound from somewhere became audible;

“That worthless brat!” and a sound of braking dishes filled the old room.

The kids were sitting on the old bed. The girl froze. Yeshua looked at her and his eyes were full of joy and anticipation.

“Here we go! Trust me! I am with you! Lets have FUN!”

“THAT BRAT…!” and through the wall a gray misshapen monster started to appear with black empty eyes… .

“You KNOW this is a lie, right?”

The girl just nodded.

“Look at me! Don’t look at him, look at me!” the girl looked at Yeshua with eyes full of tears and fear. Yeshua was brimming with love, joy and confidence. Little flames of laughter danced in his eyes. “Repeat after me. That is a big fat lie!”

“That is a big fat lie” whispered the girl in a trembling voice.

“You are an AWESOME TREASURE!”

…. Silence. Tears ran down her face.

“I can’t say it. I don’t believe it.”

“I believe it! I know it! Say that I told you that you are an AWESOME TREASURE! You can say it in MY name. Use MY faith. It’s OK!” the boy Yeshua offered eagerly.

“OK. I will try…Yeshua says that I am an awesome treasure.” Whispered the girl and the room stilled.

“Good! See, it works! Say it again, and louder, so that this thing hears it too!”

“I am an awesome treasure, that’s what Yeshua says.” Pronounced the girl out loud.

The monster stopped just five steps from the kids. It started to tremble, crunched up its face and started weeping out loud. Then the girl repeated her announcement and a shining brilliant stone, like a flower bud in appearance materialized from the sound that the words created. Yeshua touched the stone and it opened. Bright blue and white light shot out filling the room destroying any darkness and presence of the monster.  The girl started to laugh and every sound coming out of her mouth formed different shapes and colors creating marvelous creatures that wrapped both kids in Royal Presence…

“You ARE AN AWESOME TREASURE!” Yeshua proclaimed with wonder.

The old woman next door was talking to her old friend – God. “Thank you for my little friend!” she said. “She needed to meet you. Now I am in peace. I know you will take care of her. I was concerned, but if not for your advice I would never have thought that the story of Moses and crossing the sea would be the one that would catch her attention! Thank you Lord!”

And the angels were standing guard by the window of the praying old lady and the little girl who was enjoying her newfound friend, Jesus.

This morning I was worshipping to the song, “Find Me,” by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser.  The song says, “Like the dust that you first held in the garden where you knelt, pull me up against your face again, ’til the breath of your hope fills the depths of my soul, ’til all I know is I’ve been found by love.”

During the song, I was first an observer, as the Lord Jesus knelt down and began to gather the soil in front of him with His strong arms, into an embrace that formed His son, Adam.  I watched as the particles of light, that were the soil, shimmered and sparkled with colors, while forming the beautiful face and arms of a sleeping son who already wore a contented smile on his face.  Adam lay on his side in the now red soil.  As Jesus formed him, He was already embracing him, leaning over him, the way I lean over my own precious daughter.

In the same way that I press my face against hers, Jesus was pressing His face against Adam’s as He breathed life into his son, all the while smiling excitedly, like any new father.  His eyes were full of wondrous anticipation.

Everything around us was full of life and singing in fluid color, in living light sparkling everywhere.  There was not audible laughter, but palpable smiles and laughter in the air, on the breeze, on the dew, in the trees, in the ants as we now walked through the garden together.  Giggles were overheard from the nearby river.  Smiles reverberated in the taut muscles of the big cats to my touch, as they walked along with us, light shimmering on the tip of every hair.  Everything in creation is celebrating the birth of the son born to the creator.

Peace in our spirits, peace in our hearts.  The experience of joy, peace, contentedness, laughter, refreshment and rest; at once all of these playing together in the ozone-like Presence, who presses a gentle kiss on my forehead as I breathe Him in, a smile on my lips and tears in my eyes.  He smells of sunshine and a cool breeze on a summer morning.

Suddenly I am savoring a fruit filled with light and life.  As I spit the seeds it bears, like a child, I feel the seed’s restful sighs as they fall into the good soil of His life, His light, His smile, His laughter.  They are pressed into their cozy bed by His scarred hands and watered with His loving embrace.  In His embrace new life springs up again!

Do you know that there are stories that are “not yet”? They have not happened yet, or have happened, but have not been written and shared, not been lived or dreamed about. … or – just not yet. This is one of these – “not yet” stories.

SOAP BUBBLES

A girl of 7 or 8 was sitting with a boy, Jesus, around the same age, at the edge of a cliff. She was dressed in a simple half-length cotton dress – light grey with bright yellow sunflowers on it. Her hair was braided in 2 thin blond braids down to her shoulders. However, since her head was constantly moving, there was no peace for her braids.

People often say about such children – “like a wind”! Even if she was sitting still, something in her was moving, even if it was because of inertia. Jesus was very similar in this sense, but also completely different, because there was a peace in him. It is a peace that must be written with a capital P – Peace! Deep and flowing. Peace that is not emptying you, but fills you up, until you are so full that it overflows and you just cannot sit still.

Kids were sitting on a stone pier that was stretching way into a sea. Their feet were dangling over the waves. Sea was in a playful mood and tried making different shoes on the children’s’ feet. White, fluffy and changing shape. There were boots up to their knees, there were slick slippers and fancy crystal ones with intricate green seaweed decors. However, the children were immersed in a more serious job and often did not even notice the hard work of the sea waves.

The children were working on blowing soap bubbles! Have you ever made soap bubbles? You know if you blow too hard, they will burst. In addition, if you don’t blow hard enough they will not form. Then you try to make the bubble as big as possible! Or, as many as possible with one breath.

So they were blowing soap bubbles, watching them fly around and enjoying the sun reflections and colors in them. The girl for a moment forgot her bubbles and with a half-opened mouth looked at the wonder-bubbles, made by Jesus. Well, these were not regular bubbles at all… sometimes wonderful animals like bears, made from clouds, flew over the sea… or huge white and purple fluffy balls with glistening wings like a hummingbird appeared, then they suddenly started to hum. From these balls a pink elephant trunk with diamonds on it popped out. And then butterflies popped out from diamonds… and then the bubble exploded! Butterflies scattered all around and, to the joy of the children, sat on their hair.

However, Jesus was blowing yet another bubble already, and this time it looked like a city. If you looked into it, you could see people walking on streets, horses grazing in fields, houses with bright glowing colors and flowers were blooming right out of the roofs and trees where growing downwards from clouds, toward the people, with roots growing deep into heaven.

The city flew up above the sea… Jesus was making his next bubble, looking straight at the girl. A huge eagle appeared in front of her eyes and she saw herself sitting on the eagle’s back! The eagle opened its mouth and … the bubble exploded into small golden fluffs that snowed over them.

“It’s not fair! You didn’t allow me to fly even a bit!” protested the girl
“I didn’t allow you?” asked Jesus
“Yes! It exploded!” cried the girl
“Because it’s mine,” said Jesus, “Try it yourself!”

I took a deep breath and tried. Peace came first. Then, a conviction that I CAN, and then… Yahoo! I started to laugh, because, while blowing my bubble, I understood that I AM already flying! Somewhere deep beneath me the sea was surging and trying to catch me, worrying like an anxious godmother about a restless child. I will hurt myself!!! Girls should not behave like this!!! Nevertheless, I was enjoying the freedom and the flight. Cities, fields, mountains and valleys, peoples faces and huge angel’s strong shields that protect cities and nations….

I opened my eyes and looked at the sea. Jesus was sitting next to me.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Wow!”
“Yea!” Jesus replied, smiling.
“But, I was blowing before that too, but nothing worked.”
“You have to choose. Do you want to fly, or to be mad?” Jesus said, looking at me with peace.

I thought about it and allowed the anger that piled up in me, to come up. Anger almost got stuck in my throat. Tears rushed in my eyes and spilled over on my cheeks. Anger tightened my lips and I had to collect all my strength to blow a bubble. I took a deep breath, looked at Jesus and blew. Something muddy and greenish-black started to grow before my eyes. It had many thorns, horns and scars. It grew, spread and swelled, making rumbling sounds. My fears, from what I saw, blew the monster’s skin and made something like a shell. I froze inside and the monster grew.

Jesus leaned towards me and asked quietly:

“Would you like to keep it or will you let me fight with it?”
“What?” I asked.  I shook, because I was almost hypnotized by the monster I created. I looked at Jesus, who looked with interest at the murky monster and me in freezing armor.  He said, “I am asking if you would like to keep it. Or maybe you will give it to me?”

Do you know how a nine-year-old boy’s face changes, when he is about to face a new adventure, with fighting and exploits?
“SO, can I!? Please!”  He was actually pleading with me! I could not understand his excitement, but he is my friend, so, “Sure! Be my guest.”

I have no idea where He came up with the sword, but there it was. He stood up and, with a victory scream on his lips; he jumped and pushed the sword right into the middle of the ugly monster. Explosion, smoke and then the greenish slug started to rain down.

Jesus leaped with the joy of victory!  “Come on!” He shouted at me with joy. “Come on! Let’s celebrate! There goes your anger and fear!! Uhoo!!! Yeaaaa!!!”

He kept screaming and jumping along the pier. I could no longer sit. I joined Him! Then we were jumping, running, and screaming on the pier. Sea was joining us, by dressing us in the armor of white wave foam.

“Joy joy joy!!! Freedom and glory to the warrior Jesus!!! He is mighty and strong! He wins!! YEA!!!” I was screaming from the top of my lungs. “He is STRONGER than my fears! He is stronger than my anger! He is stronger than the world!! Yes He Is!!”

And we were dancing, leaping, and singing.

When no breath was left, we were laying down on the pier and watching the skys and I said, “You know, it is much more fun to blow monsters when you are near.”
“I am near you all the time. But I wish you would let me fight them for you.” He replied gently with the longing for new victory that only a nine-year old boy could have.

You know the stories that are or could be. Or they have been or perhaps they have even never stopped being at all. So, just close your eyes, breathe deep and …. blow! 🙂

Identity. Authority. Trust.

Christmas 2017 –  Today is a rainy Christmas day. I went on one of my walks with my dog. I have a big and gentle bull-mastiff, Greta.  With her Big athletic body and sand color, she looks more like a lioness. Full of power and spring in every step she makes. She looks at you with her dark and smushy face and from afar she is a site to behold. People that don’t know her usually stop and give way to her in respect. Respect that comes from the strength they see in her. But Greta doesn’t know that. She feels and believes she is a small couch dog. She is often insecure and will stop and not go near new people or places. She stops and sniffs and considers the danger. She considers whether she wants to risk approaching these new people or obstacles on her path.

I was walking on the grey and wet field on the steps of huge mountains. It is grey here but if you lift your gaze up, you will see the white and amazing winter… I stand in a wet grey world, but just a few hundred meters up, there are white, bright, awesome snow-covered trees and ice covered slopes of mountain. There was white and clean winter.

“I want to talk to you God. I want to learn to listen to you!”

• “Hm?” smiled God
• “No, really! I want to learn to listen to what YOU want to say to me! So, now from this tree, all the way to the over that field, until the next gate I will be SILENT and listen!”

God started laughing! “Will you now?!” He laughed…

Oh well… I could not. My mind drifted away to dogs and Greta who is struggling with sevier allergies, to winter, to projects I am working on … until I grabbed it back to God and my wish to listen instead of whining or asking Him for something again.

“But I WANT TO LISTEN! Really!!!” I protested out loud. God just silently laugh again. “Ok, Who am I?” My mind wondered on the path of its own. “You are my beloved daughter!” He answered.

I have never had a dad. So, I don’t know what it means. In scriptures I read that to those that accepted Him, Jesus give the authority to become the sons and daughters of the God most high. Those that believe in His word. / John 1:12/
Authority …
Belief…
I pondered: “Acquiescence, acceptance, and believing that ALL that happens with me and my life will come/ will be turned for good, because I am a beloved daughter of God. Because He loves me.
He does not save me out from the bad things because bad things happened to all of us in this world. He does not intervene to save me from the bad things but He TURNS the bad things to my advantage. He warns me about their approach, not to torture me and laugh about or take pleasure in my misery and fear, but to reassure me that He KNOWS and He is in control and that He is able to turn it around and He will, because He Loves me and I am His daughter.
Because He would love me to run to Him
and cry to Him
and receive comfort from Him
and reasurance that He knows,
He understands,
and He WILL turn this situation for my good. For me to learn, to gain, to grow. And even If I don’t see the “good” outcome I can still go to Him and trust because He is my father.”

• “Do you believe in that?” asked God.
• “I don’t know.” I replied. Walking on, I continued talking to God. ” I have never had a father. It makes sense. But I am not sure that my heart believes in it. I would assume that if my Father CAN change things or make them stop or give something I am asking for, that He WOULD!”
• “Do you give that to your kids?” He asked.
• “Yes!”
• “Always? Also when they must learn something they do not want to learn? Or when you are not letting Jacob (my son) get something he wants and he is screaming mad at you? Or when he is facing consequences of his actions and is hurting. Do you want him to come to you?”
• “Yes!”
• “Do you feel his pain?”
• “Yes!”
• “Do you want him to have what he wants, or do you want for him to learn even if he is hurting, while learning it? Would you just give in to him because you CAN or do you want him to learn the lesson to the end?”
• “I want him to learn. But… if I can, I would still want to give him what he is asking me for.”
• “I know 🙂 But I do too!”  We walked in silence for a while, then I heard a question: “Just for the sake of discussion. Would you now imagine how it would feel, how it would look if you KNEW you have a Father who does love you? A Father who understands you completely. A Father who wants you to go to him with your hurts and frustrations in trust that He loves you and accepts you where you are. Imagine that your Father is the almighty King and that you, as His daughter, do have all authority given by Him. That you are safe because all that is happening to you is controlled by Him. That He is right here with you! That you are walking with His cloak and aid and authority. How would that look ? 🙂 How would you walk and look around? How would you feel if you would believe in it and would TRUST in it?”

I breathed in deeper. My shoulders relaxed. I suddenly felt taller. I smiled. I imagined that cloak of His… sparkling, made from millions of tiny particles of shimmering droplets of water or diamonds. I could almost see that cloak descending on my shoulders. I felt beautiful and treasured. It is such a great, great feeling to feel beautiful and treasured and protected. I wanted to run and laugh and dance and be silly all at the same time. I felt peace and well being and I wondered what could I do if all of it would be real.

• “I want to heal my dog! If I have the authority and You said there is coming restoration to my family, I really want for Greta to be healed! You did give authority to Adam and Eve over the earth and living beings. So I want to proclaim life over Greta.”
• “Do it!” God said smilingly.
• “But what if she will not get well?” I will be disappointed again.  I was traying to aplay all the ideas from this walk. ” If all of this is real, but Greta does not get better does that mean that you have an even better plan for her and my faith and trust in you? What could that be?”
• “She will get well. I want you to learn the authority you have.”
• “I have the authority of the beloved daughter, is that what you are teaching me?  I don’t know what that means!”
• “I know you don’t,” smiled God.

I was walking and smiling and pondering on these awesome new ideas. I had the feeling of the sparkling new mantle covering my shoulders, extending behind me and over me. A cover and protection for a princess. New me. New me?

One more memory surfaced, I remembered a conversation where a person was teaching and  saying, “…Which self is talking? The new self or old self?”  “I am not interested in talking to the old you!” When I hear things like that, I feel so rejected. I can never measure up to that exalted great place of being that new me. I feel like the one desperately stuck in the pit of my old self. Whatever that meant. Depressive, fearful, whining, old me. ME. And to become new means to die. “DIE. I cannot die! I don’t want to die. I have struggled all my life to survive! To stay alive! And if you cannot accept me as I am, … then I am staying here in this pit of despair and depression and pain and fear alone. But ALIVE.”

I could all but feel God smiling and waiting on me to “get it.”   So… I pondered on,

• “So it is not about me dying?”
• “No.”
• “It is about knowing who I am and who You are? And believing in it? And trusting in it?
• “Yes”
• “I don’t know how. I am not sure I can.”
• “Yet.” He commented smilingly.

We walked on and I saw a scene of Him sitting with one scared and despairing me, in the huge and lonely muddy ditch.  I understood Him to say, “Just so you know, I love you even when you’re sitting in that pit of yours. I will never leave you. I just want you to see that I am there with you.” He continued, “You are not alone. So trust me. I am not disgusted or impatient or surprised over whatever emotions you have. where do you think hope comes from? Who makes you smile and encourages you to take one more step? Who arranges for that “stupid” song to play, the one that makes you sing along and switches your dark mood to a better one? From where does the joy come to you while you are stuck? I love you! And I very much want you to stay alive!”

“Oh, what a relief!” I smiled. “I don’t have to die. I have to believe. I have to trust. Can I? I have to know who He is and who I am.”

“And this year I want you to learn the authority you have,” commented God on my thoughts.

It is a rainy, grey day. I was walking with my dog who does not know the power and strength she possesses. I don’t know the authority I have. I was walking in hope. Smiling, basking in an imaginary world I let my self believe in, even if it is just for one 30-minute walk on the rainy day with my dog.

It is a raining day and God was walking with His daughter and her dog. Her shoulders were covered with a splendid mantel that is made of millions of shimmering white diamonds.

I once taught third grade in a Christian School.  At the beginning of my second year, a scruffy boy, by the name of Nick shuffled into my classroom.  His grin warmed my heart, but his behaviors didn’t.  He hadn’t fit into the public school senerio, and his family had hit rough places; So, to Christian School he came.  I have this thing for underdogs though.  Broken families, broken kids, new kid on the block not fitting in, these things always hit home.  So, Nick and I began to get to know one another, and I became his cheerleader.

The last day of school, before Christmas break, the children all filed into the classroom holding their Christmas treasures to give their teacher.  Some proudly presented them like  “We Three Kings”, others shly place it in my hands, and some shove it in front of me with indifference because mom made them.  Standing in my door, waiting for my last student to push the glass door to the building open, I watched as Nick made a dash down the hall, with a hugh grin painted across his face, his present clutched by both sweaty hands.

Halfway to me,  his feet tangled beneath him.  Time suspended as he tumbled to the floor in a broken, dejected mess.  His gift shattered between his fingers as it slammed against the tiled floor.   But far worse the shattered heart of a young boy lay at my feet.  Bending over I scooped the present up.  “Nick, are you hurt?  Can you get up, honey?”. He just nodded his head, unable to speak as hot tears rolls down his flushed cheeks.  The glass Santa holding a bag of candy was in pieces in my hands.  “Nick, thank you for the gift.  It’s beautiful. I will glue this back together, and Nick I will keep it forever.  Thank you so much!”  A small glimmer of gratitude began to peek through Nick’s eyes.  He slowly got up and hugged me.

Twenty some years later, I find myself back in the classroom, part time.  At the staff Christmas party, I brought a gift to exchange that I had thoughtfully picked out knowing that the value was at least double what it appeared.  I put it in a plain envelope with a ribbon and placed it in the middle of the pile.  As the teachers one by one picked the gifts not knowing their contents, they grabbed the one’s daintly decorated.  My plain gift lay on the floor til the last.  The teacher who got it eagerly opened it, but as she looked at it, she didn’t recognize the value or know the boutique, so a look of scorn crossed her face.  What had been my treasure had now become her trash. Embarrassment filled me and my cheeks grew hot.

My mind flashed back to Nick and my little glued together Santa that often has sat in my kitchen these past twenty years.    His trash had become my treasure.  His embarrassment had eased away into pleasure knowing he had pleased me.  I then thought of a baby wrapped in a manger.

The creator of the universe wrapped the greatest treasure, the most precious present to mankind in rags and placed him in the simple, frail arms of poor girl at a time of vicious dictatorship.  Most didn’t recognize the value of the gift.  They scorned him.  They saw the treasure of heaven as trash.  Few looked hard enough, with an open heart to see what truly was cuddled in Mary’s arms.  And they missed him.  They missed the savior of the world.  But the shepherds, the lowest class of the low, didn’t miss him.

God does things in such upside down ways. He knew His son would be rejected, a man of sorrows, from whom men would turn their faces away.  Isaiah, hundreds of years before Jesus, prophesied it would be so.  He chooses the lowest of the low, the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.  I find that true today.

He often takes the least of these, the lowest of the low, and somehow, if they will let Him, makes beautiful masterpieces out of their lives.  He’s really good at that.

So, I find myself looking for Him in places many wouldn’t think to look.  In the face of the new kid on the block, or the orphan, or the homeless, or the single mom, or the elderly woman…  Do you see trash or treasure?  Do you recognize the mark of Jesus, maybe where others won’t?  Oh, I’ve been guilty of the scornful look too.  But I know how broken I’ve been, and what He’s done in me.  Maybe that’s why I look for Him in broken places, because He is there.

My hope is you will take time with an open heart to see Him in unexpected places this season.  He loves hiding treasure in what most see as trash.