Love. What is that elusive concept? I feel sometimes I’ve been chasing after whatever that word is all my life.

Often I have felt a large deficit, especially in the area of loving myself or feeling loved. A few days ago, upon waking, I found myself longing for love. The Holy Spirit gently pointed to the wall around my heart, and said, “We still need to take that down, love. You thought you had to protect your self from me, others, even yourself, but I want to take the rest of that down. Just rest back into my love.”

While hanging up my husband’s clothes last night, ( I know… Such a spiritual time right?) I found myself praying for a friend, and as I prayed, “Lord, I know they love you,” I heard in response,” No, they don’t.”  Immediately, I found myself arguing with God. Then, I gently heard with no condemnation, “If you hate your brother, you don’t love me.  There are many believers in the church, but not many lovers.  Lovers love me by obeying me and by choosing to walk in forgiveness even when they are not feeling love.  Love is not a feeling.  It is an action.” I was stunned. I thought of all the times I had just been a believer, not a lover.

Then sweetly the Lord said, “You don’t think you have enough love, because you still struggle with bad thoughts, and negative emotions, but you consistently obey me. You consistently walk in forgiveness, even when it’s very hard. That’s love. It’s an action!” I walked out of our bedroom with new hope, and more fire to be a lover, not just a believer. May that be what we are all moving towards and walking in.

My spiritual father has reminded me many times, “Forgive everybody, for everything, all the time.” Yet, as I walk through life observing my brothers and sisters in Christ, I see this plague of the soul, called unforgiveness. Some cling to it like a familiar blanket from childhood days gone by. Others simply don’t give it importance, and play with unforgiveness, like a snake charmer playing the lute to the cobra weaving it’s head out of the basket. But what they don’t realize is in the end it’s bite holds the poison of death. And it will always bite in the end.

I understand the pain of unforgiveness, the bitterness of the soul. I understand it far too well. As a little child, growing up in the church, I didn’t really understand the importance of forgiveness. When children are shattered, having no safe place to run to, they don’t have any other alternative, (they perceive), than to turn those feelngs inward. At least, that was true of my childhood. Instead of being able to release any emotion, or any offense done to me, I, for the sake of survival, hid the pain in little broken pieces in my mind.

Being a pastor’s daughter, yet being abused regularly, I had no choice, but to create my safe world, where I could no longer feel the pain or remember the offenses. I lied to myself well. I walled in my heart, my emotions, protecting myself from the toxic emotions trapped in my heart, or so I thought.

But as with most things in life, things hidden will be brought in the light one way or the other. For me, it came through one painful layer after another of Jesus Christ peeling back the scabs of my soul, and taking His scalpel to gently cut into the places of betrayal and abuse; the places so dark I thought I would die if I went there. Over and over, He would show up, speak truth in love, many times hold me, crying with me, and show me how to forgive those who had so hurt me. I had to choose it though.

Sometimes it was so hard, because I just wanted to scream, running back into my corner. But I was being tortured by my tormentors, without even realizing it on a conscience level. I was like the duck, appearing calm on the top, but my little legs going constantly just below the water trying to keep me afloat. Under that torture, I just came to the place, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I also had three, beautiful little girls that I wanted to be able to be a good mother to, and I was incapable of that, because I was so bound up.  So, the pain of revisiting these places and the releasing of these people, was less than the pain of being tormented by the bitterness.

So, how could I do that? Wasn’t I justified to hold onto bitterness? I have learned that pain is pain. That what seemingly may be a minor hit to one, may feel like a major blow to another. It’s not so much what happened to you, as to how you perceive it. I went through things that most will never have to endure, but I still can get caught off guard by a simple negative word my husband says to me or an innocent comment of a friend.

It’s not what’s done to you, so much as holding onto that grievance and believing lies about what happened. Many times a child that has been abused, sexually or physically, will turn it into blaming themselves, as they try to reason out the why. The hardest person I’ve ever had to forgive has been me.

I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t understand free will, but I know that we do have a loving, heavenly Father, and I do know that He gives all people the freedom of choice. Sometimes, He allows us to walk through the horrible choices of others, even at the hand of someone who should have protected and cared for us, because He has a greater good in mind for us.

I know many times I’ve looked at my husband and children realizing that God could have chosen to answer my cries for help by taking me home to be with Him. But instead, He saw my future, and He knew that there was a greater good by walking through the darkness and into the light.

So, let’s say, you think the pain is too great, or the other person deserves to be punished. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the person didn’t do something wrong. It means I won’t be their judge. I let God be their judge.

See, when I hold onto bitterness, and I let the sun go down on my wrath, I am basically playing God.  I step into God’s place and bind that person to me. I give the devil a foothold to torture me. (See Matthew 18).

Only God sees all the things that have influenced all of us. Only He can truly judge. When I release offenses to Him, I set myself free from that person, and give God back His job. He can now work in that person’s life to bring them to true repentance. It frees me from the hold of the enemy, releasing me to receive my heavenly Father’s love and forgiveness.

The greatest reason of all though is to be like my heavenly father, because that is His nature. He is forgiving. On the cross, Jesus forgave all His offenders. No one has ever suffered the loss He did, so we all have the ability to do as He did. I didn’t say it was easy. It may very well be the hardest thing you ever will do, but it is so worth it. IT is so worth it!!! And it is the beginning point for freedom!

Father, I just had a fun experience with my sisters and some of your angels. I was thinking, how you must feel about four of your daughters, standing at a mirror; some putting on eye make-up, some drying others straightening their hair.   All somewhat groggy…but all singing along with the phone-generated music in soft, sweet, morning voices, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come! With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings…”

It was a beautiful few moments for me. What a privilege, that You and Your angels joined us right there at the mirror. I felt your smile, your pleasure with your girls.

As we “sisters”, by virtue of our family tie to you, worshipped you in a simple, but heartfelt way.

This kind of worship happens so often in our lives that I almost missed it. Thank you for pointing out to me that You, never do.

I hear the soft creak of leather. I feel the crisp fall breeze on my face and neck. Bright sunny patches filled with long autumn shadows cover the golden hills and oak trees surrounding the gathering. Now and then the soft snort of a horse emits a little puff of steam in the dew of early morning, as everyone called, quietly awaits his or her assignment.

Their warm-blooded counterparts amuse the riders of the steel horses, but the hearts of all the riders are the same. They are the hearts of warriors.

In ages gone by, other warriors dawned their leathers, sometimes topped in mail, or armor or Kevlar. The hearts gathered here don saddles and tack, leather motorcycle jackets of all variety, leather pants and gloves and boots. Each one tailored to the rider’s frame.

In the heart of all these riders, each one knows themselves as warrior.   The wind in their faces emboldens them as they ride their steed of choice. It whispers joyfully, “Freedom!”

They are exhilarated and energized. Each one knows to their core that they were made for adventure, made to protect and defend, made to stand when everyone else flees. Each one, though not often expressed in words, feels the solid footing of the warrior within. It is intrinsic to their kind.

The weight and drape of their leather garments feels a part of their person. An expression of their readiness at all times to dress for battle. The smell of the fashioned hide is earthy and speaks of adventures gone by. The once hard edges at the neck and wrist that have grown supple and custom fitted with much wear are now a second skin to them.

For every rider, the embrace of the saddle and their perspective from such seat reminds them that they are made for this ride. The immediate, response of horse or machine, responding almost before bidden, makes stopping regretful.   Covering ground is as much a delight to the rider as claiming ground is to the warrior within.

The camaraderie of the gathering is unspoken but thick in the air. Lighthearted appreciation of each other’s differences enhances the solemnity of the esprit de corps that surges in the air. This is a gathering of like-hearted warriors content to ride alone, but powerful when stirred to their true calling and drawn together by a leader who fashioned their hearts and equipped their souls for a moment such as this.

The imagery above was given to me in just a brief moment with the Lord. These people, the cowboys and bikers, really are my tribe. I think in showing me this image, the Lord was showing me more specifically why. It is because the common thread among us is that we are warriors. Within ourselves we are WARRIORS!

WE ARE WARRIORS!

God has put his gifts and callings in everyone ever born. The calling of Warrior is powerful and manifests itself in many temporal ways. Beginning in sports, martial arts and all forms of adventure that have as a root, martial skills and mindsets; like horseback and motorcycle riding (tied to horse-back combat), hunting, outdoor survival skills. Other tribes of warriors do battle in courtrooms and boardrooms, operating tables and classrooms. I can comfortably move among this tribe and can go into battle by their sides, but the call of open country speaks my name. All these warriors are responding to a call within their hearts to overcome, to take ground, to be victorious!

For the gifts and calling of God are given without repentance. (Romans 11:29)   That means that we have this calling before we ever receive Christ as our savior, but it is not until we find the true rest for our calling that we understand how to do battle appropriately. “For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”(Ephesians 6:12) Like every warrior of every age, we grow stronger, wiser, and more effective with training, experience and confidence.

When alerted to the scent of battle, our warrior nature arises in expectation! When you read the scene of the gathering above, did some part of you wish to be there? Did you feel the strength, the battle stance, the eagerness to move into the wind? Then come. Jesus is awakening the warrior within you! He has great plans for you and your tribe.

Serilda stands atop a large dune with the ocean below her and the moon emphasizing shadows along the coast. Closing her eyes The Leader shows her a picture of the coming storms. A sudden shift in the wind across her face confirms things are indeed changing rapidly. The Leader, though unseen had nudged her awake in the night and they had communicated in that easy way where no words were needed she just knew what He wanted her to do. So she had come to this place. Traveling through realms to reach a destination has become easier with practice and He has never failed to escort her.

Inhaling the salt and sand The Warrior feels the need to say something but wants it to be the right thing. Serilda stands still taking in the gathering clouds and whispers because even when she can’t see His physical form He is by her side “Ok, what should I say?” She hears the Leader’s reply and feels the approval to declare His words, not hers – “Send up a cry Serilda that declares life, life and hope to those already touched by the storm and to those bracing for a storm. Life will always triumph over destruction.”

As The Warrior listens to Him her nerve endings begin to quiver and she notices gold script glowing and dissipating all over her skin, as if His words were activating words within her. He continued, “Remind ALL of creation of their true shelter, how The Leaders will protect them on every side and cover them in the worst fights and storms. We see all and have a plan, We WILL turn any destruction or fear The Liar throws at them into something beautiful. Stand with me now Warrior, look around…”

She had closed her eyes as she was listening and agreeing with Him, now looking around she sees innumerable Warriors, all with their identifying marks of a quill pen piercing a heart, in varying places of their clothing, glowing an ethereal green. There were too many Warriors to count and Serilda felt that buzzing vibration in her body tick up a notch in anticipation of a battle. The Leader placed a hand on her shoulder, “This battle is different, you won’t fight hand to hand. Follow my lead.“ He winks at her as the earth releases a deep trumpet like sound. Everyone is focused on The Leader now! Serilda stands fixed in place aware that her fellow Warriors are also captivated by the fire in His eyes.

Without saying another word, in the language of His realm, The Leader sends up a cry and all the Warriors join their voices with His. Light erupts as their voices merge. This fluid light dances across the crowd and the coast like the Aurora Borealis of another realm. Serilda shouts with hands raised. Each Warrior has their own cry, some Warriors whispering, others like Serilda shouting but all proclaiming in unison with The Leader: We are standing and we are holding ground for our brothers and sisters! We will not relent and He always comes through! His Hope and Life are RELEASED!” AS the word “released” was spoken, a comet of variegated colors and even shadows exploded from the group and went out to meet the gathering storm where the two collided in a wild cacophony of explosions.

Serlida stood awestruck with a rising anticipation of the stories to come from this unusual fight. The storm may still come, and damage is likely in any storm, but because of The Leaders; life, love and hope are released and whatever happens now has the opportunity to be greater than destruction.

The Leader and His large band of merry Warriors stand their ground – standing for those who may think the storms are too great or damaging. These Warriors will fight with The Leaders in every realm, in whatever way is necessary for restoration and wholeness.

Serilda eyes the mounting clouds not with fear but with brazen confidence in her Leader. Whatever the storm, or the outcome, He will not fail. The Warrior cannot wait to see what comes next, especially since this battle was unexpected and He still hasn’t told her His plan…

 Psalm 91-The VOICE

1 He who takes refuge in the shelter of the Most High
    will be safe in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 He will say to the Eternal, “My shelter, my mighty fortress,
    my God, I place all my trust in You.”
3 For He will rescue you from the snares set by your enemies who entrap you
    and from deadly plagues.
4 Like a bird protecting its young, God will cover you with His feathers,
    will protect you under His great wings;
    His faithfulness will form a shield around you, a rock-solid wall to protect you.

5 You will not dread the terrors that haunt the night
    or enemy arrows that fly in the day
6 Or the plagues that lurk in darkness
    or the disasters that wreak havoc at noon.

7 A thousand may fall on your left,
    ten thousand may die on your right,
    but these horrors won’t come near you.
8 Only your eyes will witness
    the punishment that awaits the evil,
    but you will not suffer because of it.

9 For you made the Eternal [your][a] refuge,
    the Most High your only home.
10 No evil will come to you;
    plagues will be turned away at your door.

11 He will command His heavenly messengers to guard you,
    to keep you safe in every way.
12 They will hold you up in their hands
    so that you will not crash, or fall, or even graze your foot on a stone.[b]
13 You will walk on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the lion and the serpent underfoot.

14 “Because he clings to Me in love,
    I will rescue him from harm;
    I will set him above danger.
Because he has known Me by name,
15 He will call on Me, and I will answer.
    I’ll be with him through hard times;
    I’ll rescue him and grant him honor.
16 I’ll reward him with many good years on this earth
    and let him witness My salvation.”

At our church’s women’s retreat last year, we were able to experience something that was new to most of us… walking a labyrinth.

While skeptical at first, but trusting the leadership, I jumped in.

A labyrinth is basically a maze drawn on the ground, in this case on a cloth laid on a ground. You walk on it to the middle, and allow the Holy Spirit to talk with you as you journey together.

So, began my journey…

My experience with the Labyrinth actually began three days prior as the Lord prepared me for what He wanted to do. I came into this weekend with some huge things Abba was moving me towards, and yet I felt ill-equipped to carry it out. I needed my heart settled and prepared for what was ahead.

As I stepped on the Labyrinth, I began to see what some would call an open vision. The Bridegroom, Jesus, took me by the arm and said, “We are going on a bridal journey.” The first thing I noticed was how handsome, gentle, and kind He is. I was taken aback by His beauty. He showed me a gorgeous wedding dress, and said it was time to get dressed. As I thought about that, I realized that I was still wearing a garment of shame and had a cloak of fear on my neck. Gently, He asked me if He could take that now. I was was afraid of being exposed in front of Him, but He caringly whispered, ” I will not expose my bride. You will be covered with a robe.” Still, I hesitated, and He said that He wanted to exchange wedding gifts. He showed me a box to put my garments in. That was to be His wedding gift from me. So, I put my garments of shame and fear in the box. Placing the lid on, it was quickly taken away.

As I opened the gift from Him, there was a large, stunning engagement ring in it. I stumbled over my words and said, “This is too much. I can’t take this.” He just looked at my with his kind eyes saying, “This is what I want you to have.” I allowed Him to slip it on my finger. Next, He said, “I need to wash you now.” He gently asked me first, as He washed each part of me. As we got to the feet, again, I felt like this was just too much, to which He replied, “I have to wash these too, dear one.”

We began the process of putting on the dress, the hosiery, and the shoes (They were glass slippers of course.). Next, He began to open gifts, and give me jewels. Every time he opened a box, I protested, “Jesus, this is too much. I can’t accept that.” Over and over He would say, “Daughter, bride, I want you to have this.” I would accept. He gave me an amazing necklace, bracelet, and finally a crown that out shone anything I’ve ever seen on any queen. I was overcome with emotion. Even though I was now dressed in these incredible things, as we walked, I felt awkwardly deformed, like nothing fit right. Somehow wearing these things only made my deformity stand out more.

He asked me to look into a mirror. I wouldn’t. I told him how I felt. He took me back to my mother’s womb, and said I created you here. I knit you together for a beautiful purpose and reason. He then showed me the part of me that had been with him all through the years of me growing up, when I was going through torturous abuse. I was dancing, playing, running over hills with him. He said, “I kept you safe right here with me as you suffered. I protected the inner part of you here with me, until you were grown up and it was safe. You are not broken. You are not deformed. Look into the mirror now.” I thought I’d see deformity, someone ugly, untouchable, but instead I saw fire in my eyes. The fire of Holy love. I saw beauty. I cried.

Next, he gave me a diamond vase that was made of small pieces, broken pieces fused together. I was afraid I’d drop it. He said when he put together brokenness, it is indestructible. You can’t break it. He said it held all my tears and brokenness. It was precious to him.

He kept telling me over and over that this is the place of intimacy that I fight from, where I live from. Here the enemy couldn’t touch me. He kept repeating over and over that there was no evil in me. But only light. Taking him by the arm, we walked down the aisle. Arm in arm with Him, I wouldn’t stumble and fall again. “Out of this intimacy is where you fight and win.”, He said over and over again.

So we walked together to the altar. He said His vows to me. That He’d never leave me. That nothing would cause us to be separated. That His love is forever and ever. That everything I have is His and everything He has is mine.

I said my vows to him. That I would respond to his love.

We both said, “I do.” We take each other.

Then he kissed me in a holy, loving way.

After this, He said, ” Now I need to prepare you.” He began to show me my armor. I wish I could put to words how pure it looked. It was sparkling white, brilliant. He gave me each piece. The breastplate was especially bright. Then he placed the belt around my waist. I was worried about my wedding attire, that I would have to take it off. He said the armor fits right over it. So, he slipped on the boots, and helmet. I picked up the shield, which became like a force field around me. Finally, He showed me the sword. It was brilliant as well, golden and studded with gems on the hilt. He asked me to pick it up. As I did, I saw it said “Praise”. I turned it over in my hand and it said “Word of God”. I flipped it back over and it read “Intercession/ prayer”. It was amazing.

As we walked out of the labyrinth together, I felt my bridegroom beside me saying, “We will walk this out together, arm in arm, from this place of intimacy, with my authority, because it all belongs to you. You have my name. All my authority is given to you, because you are married to me. Everything I have is yours. Everything you have is mine. You are mine and belong to me. Dream with me now!

To ensure I would not chalk all that up to an over active imagination, one of my prayer buddies from home sent me these scripture verses shortly after I had completed walking it. As I looked up a text message appeared on my phone, I read Isaiah 61:10 “…he has clothed me with the garment of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.  and also, Romans 13:11-12 …”put on the armor of light.” She had been up that morning praying for me to see myself as the bride.

It has been several months since this event. I wish I could say that I have remembered these images and words in the heat of every battle. Some days, I’ve run away scared. Others, I have followed my love and seen victory. Though this experience is very personal to me, I felt the Lord wanted me to share this. We are the bride of Christ, and He is getting His bride ready for the wedding day. Take His hand and journey with Him.

Last Friday morning, August 16, I was listening to an Mp3 called, “ Becoming the Beloved,” by Graham Cooke. It is focused on the believer’s place in Christ as the Beloved of the Father. I have listened to it many times over the past months but this time I was really asking the Father what he wanted me to understand from it that I had not yet received.

Immediately I saw, in my mind’s eye, a picture of the Father, seated on His throne, He raised His right hand and point his finger to decree a thing. As He did this, I saw a transparent image of Jesus in me raise His right hand, point His finger and decree in the same way, and as He did, I raised my right hand, pointed and decreed too.

Now decree is a seldom-used word in my vocabulary, but it is what I saw and understood in that moment. I don’t know what we were decreeing as I did not hear anything. But it was important that I understand that my spirit is always in agreement with the Spirit who lives in me. It is my soul (my mind, will and emotions) and my flesh that do not always agree and submit, and that is becoming less and less.

I must battle to be at rest in the knowledge that I am the Beloved, that I am IN CHRIST, and Christ is in me. Jesus said, “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” (John 14:20 NIV) From this place, it is easy to flow in His rhythm. The trick is staying in that place where I am constantly, joyfully aware of His presence in me and I agree with Him.

Now this was a really cool revelation, but 2 days later, as I was looking through my email, I had a message from The Elijah List. As described in its mission statement, “THE ELIJAH LIST is called to transmit around the world, in agreement with Holy Scripture, fresh daily prophetic “manna” from the Lord, regarding the days in which we live.”

Now honestly, so many messages come from the list every day that I usually skim through and only read the ones that the Spirit draws me to or to specific prophets whose words consistently encourage and build me up in my faith.

Cornielius Quek is one such prophet. In his words, I feel his genuine intimacy with the Lord and trust that he hears and interprets clearly. (I am using the word prophet here as an office, one who has been specifically called by God to be a prophet and communicate what he hears to the church. Under the new covenant, every believer can hear from God, but this is a job assignment for prophets like the job of an apostle, evangelist, teacher or pastor.[1])

Well, imagine my surprise when, Sunday morning, I read his recent word on the Elijah List and he had a dream that was essentially the same as the vision the Lord had shown me on Friday morning.[2]

His word both confirmed what the Lord had shown me, and Cornelius’ greater interpretation applied to my life in a more full way than I had seen on Friday. This is one wonderful benefit of the gift of prophecy in the Church.

It is common for 2 or 3 or more, to hear the same message. After all it is the same Spirit within us who speaks. It is so good to have a word confirmed and even better when it happens so soon!

Do you see? I asked the Father what He wanted to show me, then He immediately answered with an image in my mind’s eye. Because this happened while I was awake, some would call it a vision. Then, 2 days later, another believer was given the same word. He was able to bring more clarity to the situation for me and probably for others too.   This is one of the beautiful ways the body of Christ interacts together for each other’s encouragement and the building up of the body.

We are the body to function together in unity for our mutual benefit and as a beautiful witness to the world of life in the Kingdom. These gifts were given to the church by Christ, “the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers.  Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.”(Ephesians 4:11-13 NLT)  Wow! Paul has set a pretty high bar for us to meet; the full and complete standard of Christ! Let’s joyfully press on to reach it together.

[1]http://www.truthortradition.com/articles/what-is-a-prophet-prophetess

[2http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word.html?ID=16648

The Little One stands in the middle of a sidewalk jammed with people; all in a hurry and bumping into her as if she weren’t there. Finding the next gate to unlock is proving quite the challenge. Who knew buildings could be so imposing or that this tiny purple flower at her feet could displace what had to be thousands of pounds of concrete to just pop up and bloom. The contrast between hard concrete sidewalks and buildings and the tiny fragile plant is striking. Such resilience this little flower has, how brave it is to bloom even though being trampled under uncaring feet is almost a certainty.

The Little One marvels at the light glistening around this tiny living thing in the midst of such noise and movement. How is it no one seems to notice that little shimmering light? The Little One hears a companion, another Keeper of the Light, call to her wanting to know why she isn’t headed in that direction as a passerby abruptly shoves the Little One out of their own path. A little red cloud of frustration puffs out of the Little One’s nostrils. It seems everyone is only concerned with progress on their own path.

Another friend on the opposite side of the wide street, gridlocked with irate drivers honking and gesturing at each other, waves for the Little One come over. How can her friend not see that she cannot cross the snarling traffic at this moment? The Little One is overwhelmed at the complexity of still needing to find this gate. It’s so much easier to find them in the quiet of the Open Land! This place with people constantly pushing and pulling and requiring attention begins to make the Little One dizzy. Everyone seems to think they have the best route to take but who is trustworthy?

Grimy, oozing tentacles of Despair and Perceived Failure are quick to creep out of a sewer cap and wrap around her ankles. Paralyzed with indecision the cacophony of noise overwhelms the Little One. The light that is usually so effervescent around her becomes more concentrated and closer to her body, almost as if it were trying to shield her. Her mind is literally spinning, how is she supposed to follow through with so many vying for this or that? How is she supposed to keep looking for the gate in this messy realm and still find joy in the small things? She doesn’t even have time to find an important gate at the moment much less enjoy things like tiny flowers; she’s too busy trying not to get pushed in front of an oncoming bus! How did this all happen so fast?

Breathing deep she willed her thoughts to re-center on truth even though every part of her being fought back with negative or hopeless comments. Re-centering she reminds herself of the truth The Great Three sing over her constantly and a sort of bubble encompasses the Little One right there on the bustling sidewalk. She doesn’t notice the bubble severs the tentacles of Despair and Perceived Failure, she didn’t even ask for them to be removed. All the Little One is focused on is the sheer magnitude and goodness of The Great Three.

Holding a mental picture of their paradoxical fierceness and tenderness in her mind she chooses to remember they never leave her side – even though she still feels alone. She reminds herself They do things very differently than she does and if she was supposed to be somewhere else to find the gate she would have been. She reminds herself of who They say she is; loved completely- no matter what, special, important to this particular time and place, unique because no one has or will emit the type of light she emits. She smiles because it has nothing to do with any good or bad thing she has done, it’s all because of the immeasurable goodness and love of The Three.

Opening her eyes, the busy sidewalk is now a bit fuzzy and the sound is muffled because of this insulating greenish bubble. Plopping down next to the little flower the Little One decides that right here on this crammed sidewalk is the perfect place to rest in The Three’s bubble. Where else would you rest the best except in chaos?! Resting in a fragrant blooming meadow is great but chaos is really where resting with Them feels the best because that’s when it’s needed most.

Laughing to herself she feels silly because The Three never left her, she had just not been paying attention to where They were. Sitting next to the wisp of a flower she absorbs the optimism and joy the flower shares – infused by The Great Three to encourage tired travelers like her. For now she just breathes. She couldn’t be happier to let Them decide the details of the next steps on this crazy sidewalk!

The forever life They promise and all its wild adventures and escapades are for now, not someday when this realm is traded permanently for the other! Moments of rest may only be the length of a deep breath before continuing on. re-centered on The Great Three, They will take care of the rest.

Titus 1:2 We rest in this hope we’ve been given—the hope that we will live forever with our God—the hope that He proclaimed ages and ages ago (even before time began). And our God is no liar; He is not even capable of uttering lies.

1 John 4:16 (The Voice) We have experienced and we have entrusted our lives to the love of God in us. God is love. Anyone who lives faithfully in love also lives faithfully in God, and God lives in him.

Isaiah 60:1 (The Voice) Arise, shine, for your light has broken through! The Eternal One’s brilliance has dawned upon you.

I find it ironic that I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit to write about waiting. Sometimes, it has felt like most of my life has been waiting. I am one of those people who has had social anxiety standing in line at the grocery store. Yes, I have had a few panic attacks there. It never pays off to switch lines either. Someone always has a price check. Recently, I found myself next in line behind someone with two overflowing carts at the local wholesale club. They opened another line calling me to come over, only to have the five people in line behind me swarm to the cashier like bees on an open soda can at a picnic. I just smiled at the lady in front of me. Yep, there was a price check in that line.

Unlike me, I have found that God, our wonderful, faithful Father actually delights in the waiting. He seemingly takes pleasure in the meticulous, painstaking process of creating a masterpiece in us. He never appears in a hurry.

When I was much younger, newly married, I went to my pastor to talk to him about the direction of my life. He drew point A and point B. Then, as he said, “This is where you want to go”, he drew a straight line connecting the dots. “This is the path God takes you”, and he drew a large semi-circle to connect the dots. Sometimes, I think a labyrinth would have been more accurate.

Quite honestly, if I would have known then the journey to point B, I may have thrown up on his drawing! Somewhere in the process of walking that curvy path, I lost sight of what point B even looked like. Maybe it was just a mirage after all. But this last year, I have found my heart awakening. I’ve heard the voice of my heavenly father say, “It’s time to dream again.” Honestly, I’m not jumping for joy at this point in my life. It feels a little uneasy, risky, like stepping out of the boat.

Having gone through three pregnancies resulting in our daughters, I know in the pregnancy there is a growing expectancy of the delivery of the baby you get to finally cuddle in your arms. You begin to feel the baby kick, hear the heartbeat, see pictures of the child in your womb. Hope rises. There is nothing that a pregnant woman should do to rush this. There is nothing you can do to mold this baby inside. It is all the master craftsman’s delight in every detail taking his sweet time to form every cell, tissue, organ of this precious one. If you try to speed things up, you run a strong risk of aborting the baby or giving birth to a pre-mature child. In the last trimester, every day feels like climbing a mountain. The delivery date of the promise is coming! It is a sure thing! But the timing is completely in the Master’s hands.

I feel Abba is calling to the “Sarahs” in Abraham’s tent who finds herself laughing at the Lord’s promise of a baby in her old age. “It’s time to come out of the tent. You’re pregnant with a promise.” He calls. She laughs, not wanting to believe again. She’s been disappointed so many times. So many years have come and gone. She is tired. Oh, so tired. Does she have it in her now? Still the Lord calls.

Recently, I asked my husband, “Why does the Lord make us wait?” He said, “They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint.” The waiting, if we will let it, will strengthen us, so that we can fly. Are you ready to fly again? Are you ready to dream again? Are you too waiting for your promise to be fulfilled?

This is where I find myself. It is an uncomfortable, stretching place. I don’t want to be disappointed again. Yet, like Sarah, the forerunner to Mary, the mother of Jesus, I find myself saying, “Whatever your will is Lord… Yes, I want that.” He knows my weakness. My frailness. My tiredness. He knows how easily I stumble and fall. But I have learned He can be trusted.

So, if you find yourself in the waiting place again, know He is able to complete what He has promised. It won’t be on our time-table, but He won’t be late. I’m trusting Him for that.

Last Sunday morning as we were getting ready for church, the Lord called to mind a fun experience we had in France a few years ago.

The trip was probably our best trip ever and we look forward to doing it again. The first week of our trip, we rented a canal boat that we piloted ourselves.  My husband received an intensive 10 minutes of instruction in piloting and they also mentioned that there would be more than 20 locks on our route but that most of them were “automated”.

Well automated meant that someone got off the boat and pulled a blue rope and that started the process of the lock gate opening.  Simple.  Some of them were manned and they did it all for you. Even better.  At this point we had been through about 18 locks and had seen it done and even pulled the rope, but everything had been done for us.

But then, one night we came to a place that we decided to stay for the night.  After we tied up, an English speaking couple approached us.  They asked whether we had been through the next lock yet?  We said no and they told us that it was fully manual and that they had been stuck there for 2 days because they were afraid to try it out and didn’t feel confident that they could do it.  Could we help them get through?  We said yes and invited them in for some wine and cheese.

As we got to hear about them, we discovered that they were both very well educated.  He was a professor and she was a research scientist.  She showed us the plans that she had drawn up of the lock system and a diagram of how they thought it worked, but they just weren’t sure.  We had a grand time with them and breakfasted with them the next morning too.

When it was time to go, we tried to explain to them what to do.   They looked at us nervously, and we all decided they should just go through and we would operate it for them. Gabi (our friend traveling with us) and I got out and inspected the gate system. We tinkered a bit, figured out which dials release the water (since we were traveling down river) and which ones opened the gates.   Pretty quickly, though we were all a bit nervous, it was mission accomplished!  The water level went down, the gates opened and they were through! Then we had to do it all again for us. We got through too and when we got back beside them we all celebrated and then we tied both boats up a bit farther down the river.

They said we “made that look so easy. How many times had we done it before?” My husband answered, “‘Counting this time? One”. They stood staring amazed that we had done this without hesitation.

Like the couple in the boat, in our western churches, often we have had tremendous teaching and have acquired much knowledge about the gospel and about how to step out in faith. Many of us have attended Bible study for years! We are so fortunate to have free access to so much knowledge.

In many churches, we get to see the supernatural gifts demonstrated by those who flow easily in their gifting, but like the couple in the boat, most believers here in the West are not willing to test their faith outside the walls of the church. The lock gate is closed and we have studied the instruction manual and drawn the diagram, but we have not tried to go through!  For all our knowledge we have not moved forward.

The simplest obedience always takes a leap of faith to act. Fear comes in: What if you are wrong and it’s not God speaking? Perhaps our fear should be, what if it is God speaking and you decide not to risk it?

It can be anything: perhaps the Lord tells you to go and offer a homeless person your own lunch, or maybe, to give money to someone who doesn’t appear to need it? What if it is simply forwarding your daily devotional to someone who is not a believer? What if the Lord gives you a word of knowledge about a person and tells you lay hands on them and pray for healing. In all of these situations there is a risk of appearing foolish. I can tell you from experience, appearing foolish is a certainty some of the time.

In all of these situations questions or certainties are stirred in our minds:

Will I look foolish? (I will look foolish.) How can I approach them without making it awkward? (There is no way to approach this without it being awkward!) What if I don’t do it right? (I’m probably going to do it wrong.) What if they say no to what I’m offering? Maybe I don’t really have the formula down…. On and on and on.

Well the good news is that it’s easy to get over these concerns with a few simple realizations:

•  It’s not about you
• You don’t have enough knowledge
• There IS NO formula and
• It will definitely be awkward

All of which makes you the perfect candidate to be an obedient servant, just like the Lord’s disciples!

In my family we often speak things the Lord gives us to say, or pray for healing, or give hugs to waiters, sales people, baristas, doctors, friends and strangers, and we have for several years.  To this day I get a little nervous before I speak or act.

When Jesus sent out the 70 (or 72)  to do what they had only seen done before, no one was more surprised than they were that they had success! Sick people were healed and demons were cast out!

Jesus told them not to marvel at their success, but to rejoice because their names are written in Heaven. To paraphrase, he said, “Look, ‘I saw satan fall like lighting!’  My Father kicked him out of heaven and it was no big deal.  So you should expect similar results when using your authority in obedience. Of course you will be successful when you are obedient!” (Luke 10:17-20) Then Jesus thanked His Father for revealing this authority to the childlike. Why? Because a very little child doesn’t doubt, they don’t count themselves out before they try, they just obey.

It is awkward to approach someone and do what the Lord says to do, and yet we must do it anyway.

Consider how Phillip felt before speaking to the Ethiopian eunuch. First, he was just told to go south along a road. No reason why, just go. Next, when he saw the chariot, he was told to go and walk alongside it. He probably didn’t really know why he was there or what he was to say. Only after he had been obedient twice to simple things that probably didn’t make much sense, did he gain an understanding of why he was there.(Acts 8:26-40)

The why of your assignment is often not apparent when you are told the what. The specifics of what to say are very often only given once you step into obedience and start talking. You nervously open your mouth to share the little piece you have been given, and THEN the rest comes flowing out. But the fruit is worth it! In Phillip’s case, the eunuch believed and was baptized in joy! Sometimes that will happen for you too. Other times you just brought a smile to someone’s face, encouraged them that God loves them.  Sometimes you see no fruit at all. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t any fruit or that there won’t be some fruit later.

Here’s an interesting thought: When the 70 (72*) did those things in obedience, they weren’t saved yet! That event took place before the cross. Jesus had given them authority to do those things. How much more authority do we have now that He has overcome the curse, it is finished! Now as believers, the Holy Spirit lives in us and will never leave us! We’re not doing this stuff on our own or in our own strength. We must simply be obedient to the voice of our shepherd and the world will begin to see the power of the love of God.  It’s not about us.

Come on Church! It’s time for us to rise up again in the authority that Jesus has given us and step out in obedience. In this way we will see the church strengthened, encouraged and growing in boldness for proclaiming the truth of God’s love.  We will see people healed, set free, restored to relationship with the Father and the world turned upside down.  This is the food that Jesus ate that his buddies knew nothing about then, but that is our privilege to eat from now.

Like Jesus we must be sure of our identity as the beloved of the Father. Out of that place of knowing that we are His precious children with whom He is well pleased, we move to the rhythm of His Spirit. We say only what He says and do only what we see Him doing. The more often we move in obedience, the more certain we will be to hear his voice and recognize it.  Spend time in the Word to grow in your intimacy with God and in sureness of your identity in Christ.  But THEN….walk out your faith in obedience to what He speaks to you, not caring if you look a fool for Christ.  In this way, we will be sure to turn the world upside down!  The lock gate will be opened and you and those with you can move ahead to the more.

*(some versions say 70 and others say 72)