Pregnant with a Promise
I find it ironic that I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit to write about waiting. Sometimes, it has felt like most of my life has been waiting. I am one of those people who has had social anxiety standing in line at the grocery store. Yes, I have had a few panic attacks there. It never pays off to switch lines either. Someone always has a price check. Recently, I found myself next in line behind someone with two overflowing carts at the local wholesale club. They opened another line calling me to come over, only to have the five people in line behind me swarm to the cashier like bees on an open soda can at a picnic. I just smiled at the lady in front of me. Yep, there was a price check in that line.
Unlike me, I have found that God, our wonderful, faithful Father actually delights in the waiting. He seemingly takes pleasure in the meticulous, painstaking process of creating a masterpiece in us. He never appears in a hurry.
When I was much younger, newly married, I went to my pastor to talk to him about the direction of my life. He drew point A and point B. Then, as he said, “This is where you want to go”, he drew a straight line connecting the dots. “This is the path God takes you”, and he drew a large semi-circle to connect the dots. Sometimes, I think a labyrinth would have been more accurate.
Quite honestly, if I would have known then the journey to point B, I may have thrown up on his drawing! Somewhere in the process of walking that curvy path, I lost sight of what point B even looked like. Maybe it was just a mirage after all. But this last year, I have found my heart awakening. I’ve heard the voice of my heavenly father say, “It’s time to dream again.” Honestly, I’m not jumping for joy at this point in my life. It feels a little uneasy, risky, like stepping out of the boat.
Having gone through three pregnancies resulting in our daughters, I know in the pregnancy there is a growing expectancy of the delivery of the baby you get to finally cuddle in your arms. You begin to feel the baby kick, hear the heartbeat, see pictures of the child in your womb. Hope rises. There is nothing that a pregnant woman should do to rush this. There is nothing you can do to mold this baby inside. It is all the master craftsman’s delight in every detail taking his sweet time to form every cell, tissue, organ of this precious one. If you try to speed things up, you run a strong risk of aborting the baby or giving birth to a pre-mature child. In the last trimester, every day feels like climbing a mountain. The delivery date of the promise is coming! It is a sure thing! But the timing is completely in the Master’s hands.
I feel Abba is calling to the “Sarahs” in Abraham’s tent who finds herself laughing at the Lord’s promise of a baby in her old age. “It’s time to come out of the tent. You’re pregnant with a promise.” He calls. She laughs, not wanting to believe again. She’s been disappointed so many times. So many years have come and gone. She is tired. Oh, so tired. Does she have it in her now? Still the Lord calls.
Recently, I asked my husband, “Why does the Lord make us wait?” He said, “They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint.” The waiting, if we will let it, will strengthen us, so that we can fly. Are you ready to fly again? Are you ready to dream again? Are you too waiting for your promise to be fulfilled?
This is where I find myself. It is an uncomfortable, stretching place. I don’t want to be disappointed again. Yet, like Sarah, the forerunner to Mary, the mother of Jesus, I find myself saying, “Whatever your will is Lord… Yes, I want that.” He knows my weakness. My frailness. My tiredness. He knows how easily I stumble and fall. But I have learned He can be trusted.
So, if you find yourself in the waiting place again, know He is able to complete what He has promised. It won’t be on our time-table, but He won’t be late. I’m trusting Him for that.