I know this is a very old argument, but for some reason, right now I need to settle it in my heart once again. My overall goal is to be able to bring the peace and joy of the Good News to God’s children. To free them from fear and doubt.

For the these reasons, the Lord, lately, keeps returning me to the need to prove to myself, once again, whether our salvation is secure or not.  I personally have believed for a long time that it is.  I see so many in the Body trapped in cycles of sin and I believe it is because their behavior is such a focus. Meaning, focus on sin leads me to more sin. I have been in a season of taking many back to roots of salvation and what was purchased for them. I feel like this issue of whether or not we are secure in salvation causes many to fear and is the root of these cycles.  

I was personally saved at age 8, during a Catholic mass.  The Parable of the Sower was read as part of the liturgical calendar.  No explanation was given, but I gave my heart to the Lord, asking Him to make it good soil.  He took me up on it.  No one knew I had been saved.  We didn’t talk about such things. I’m sure no one knew why I was crying.  I didn’t remember when it had happened for years, until the Lord told me.

I grew up in a very religious Catholic sect, was serious in my pursuit of understanding in it.  At some point, I realized that, according to what I had been taught, even though I was committed to a holy life, unless I walked out of a perfect confession and got hit by a bus, it was incredibly unlikely that I would go to Heaven.  Purgatory at best.  I turned away from the church and decided to do what I wanted.  That’s about when I met Bill…at the time He was Baptist.

So when I came into Protestant theology, it was through a pretty Calvinist lens.  However, like most people, I sit somewhere between Calvinism and Arianism. Frankly, part of me hates even having names to categorize those beliefs. Thankfully I was introduced to the Bible largely through Bible Study Fellowship, where denominational overtones were not allowed.  I got to hear from Holy Spirit for myself.

The most helpful thing in the Bible that I knew at the time, to help me receive grace, was the thief on the cross.  He didn’t have time to go to confession, get baptized, take communion… He simply humbled himself before the King.  In doing so, He acknowledged both his own low place and the King’s authority.  Simple.  Mercy received. Why do we think it is more complicated for us?  Is it because we have to go on living?

Over the decades of studying the Word, I have come to believe that Father is good, and that the Good News really is GOOD.  That I didn’t save myself through my efforts, so I can’t lose my salvation through my efforts either.

I see, in the OT, His remarkable mercy again and again and again…  In the NT, I know some things Paul said can lead one to believe that our salvation can be lost.  But it seems illogical to me when set against the bigger picture of Holy Spirit having come to dwell in me forever, when by this indwelling I have been brought in to the family of God and made ONE with Jesus and with the Father, when I am a new creation and the old sinful me has passed away.  

My behavior is becoming more and more like Jesus, AND I will mess up from time to time, though I no longer am a slave to it. 

Jesus is not surprised by my sin.  He didn’t die for just the sins I committed up until I got saved. 

I do question whether many people who believe they are saved, because they said a prayer, are actually saved when there is little to no fruit of that salvation. But for those who have truly given their hearts, I want to free them to understand that a good and loving Father will correct us. He will tease, cojole, give a time out, make Himself forcefully clear, even poke a finger in the chest; but never disassociate from us. 

Because of His love for us He desires holiness for us. Because we are His, set-apart, because it is so good for us, because it keeps us free, because we get to take back territory and make it holy too. But He will not turn us out of the family.  If that was the case, Israel would long ago have ceased to exist.

After generations of people growing up in families torn apart by divorce, we accept rejection as part of normal family patterns.  That form of “family” is demonstrated again and again by “pastors” who are “family” until you disagree with them.  Then you are turned out from the family.  But I digress…or maybe not.  Look at Father’s mercy to some of the most evil kings of Israel!  He didn’t turn them out, would he turn away those for who have come into covenant by the blood of His Son?

Preachers who may realize logically that Jesus died for all our sins, have a very hard time saying anything beyond ‘Jesus died for your past and present sins…they leave out future, because they are afraid they might encourage us to sin.  No good Father wants sin in His children’s lives.  It hurts everyone. He freed us from the need to sin instead.

It occurred to me this morning that King David, who was born long after the law was given, broke the law as an adulterer and murderer.  Crimes worthy of the death penalty. He broke ceremonial law in other areas. He died when keeping the law was the requirement. He was probably cleansed by the blood of bulls and goats. Yet, I don’t think anyone doubts that we will see Him in Heaven.  How is it that he receives more grace than a born-again believer?

And there are many others. Moses sinned in such a way that He was not allowed into the promised land.  But we know He is in Heaven because he showed up on the Mount of Transfiguration visiting with Jesus.  Hebrews 11 tells us that Gideon, Samson(!), David… “All these people earned a good reputation by faith”  And He is kind enough not to mention, all these people sinned.

“We have not been given a spirit of fear, but (a Spirit) of Love, power and self-control.”

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”

I don’t think this so that I can run boldly into sin.  Of course not. But so that I can get over it when I do and press in again to His mercy, to His acceptance of me, to His loving correction.  So that by focusing on His goodness, I can become more and more like Him.  I can see others as people like me, who are forgiven and growing toward Him.

Freedom from the fear of missing the mark, freedom from the fear of losing salvation after all the years of trying, freedom from living under God’s punishment if you don’t do all the right things AND He gave us His own Holy Spirit to empower us to overcome…isn’t that what makes the Good News really GOOD?  Is that that the distinction from every religion?  Isn’t that what gives us hope?  Isn’t that what encourages us to try again and not give in to a lifestyle of sin?

Though I too can find verses that seem to support the potential of losing ones salvation, I believe the big picture of the Word of God is that our Father is incredibly merciful and will hold on to us if we offer the merest whim of turning to Him.  To me this is the same as the letter of the law versus the spirit of the law.  The exact words of the law versus the heart and intention behind the words. The minutiae versus the big glorious picture of Love.

I don’t know if this helps someone out there, but I appreciate your time to read this.  It’s ok if you don’t agree, as long as the fruit of your belief is good. Be blessed child of God!

The other night I was listening to a friend talk about each person’s unique prayer closet. Each person’s place of intimacy with the Lord, the secret place. The fruit of this time, she called “times of refreshing.”

This is not prayer to make your requests known to God, but prayer in the Spirit, aligning your heart and your spirit with the Father’s.

She talked about how, “if you are not praying, you are fainting.” No refreshing means you will wither, you will tire, you will fail. The prayer closet is how real growth comes. Not just growth of good habits, but growth of relationship.  Growth in oneness with the Lord.

For me the “times of refreshing” have brought many weighty moments and surprises.  In those times, a friendship with Jesus developed that has come through years of spending the first hours of my day alone with Him in His word, and hearing from Him. Sharing our hearts together until I know Him as friend first.

Friendship with Jesus brings refreshing. Friendship with Jesus is freedom from staleness. He will deliver to you unexpected growth, unexpected anointing, scary sounding assignments 👀, nights awake in prayer instead of sleep and His good opinion of you. In all these He is everything but boring! Refreshing brings trust and trust brings refreshing.

In the early days of ministry, I was so nervous when I had to go on stage!  I was sure I would forget everything I wanted to say, but I knew that with Him, all that mattered would fill my mouth and come out of me.  I asked Him to hold my hand. He did!

Secondly, I knew Him as my protector; the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. He began to send me out to do.  As I was obedient, (not good at it), He let me know that the Lord of Heaven’s Armies was on my side and I was never alone in my assignments.

This became the firm foundation to deliverance ministry. His Presence in me and with me. Never alone. No fear because His vastness is for me.

Then, I knew Him as Creator, my husband, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Who can come against me when I am with Him?  On His arm, all territory belongs to Him, and so, as His bride, it also belongs to me. These were times of being trusted with greater authority. He makes sure we have all we need for the tasks He entrusts to us.

Soon after this, came knowing Him as the Prince of Peace. The One who IS the Kingdom of Heaven and the One who establishes its environment, which is Peace.

How do you know when something is not according to His will? When something moves you or the environment out of peace.

Peace is so powerful. Peace CRUSHES the head of the enemy. Unshakeable peace “passes understanding.” Growing in Him establishes us in His tangible Peace.

The King’s Peace IS the law of the Kingdom. Disciples are called to enforce it.  Establish it where it is not. Restore it where it has been stolen.

Then, I knew Him as King. The Sovereign Lord who does not ask permission, but who IS God.

At that time I received the terrible privilege of friendship with Him through submitting to His will when it was very costly, because He is King and I am not. Trust.

These days I am knowing Him as the one who keeps His promises. Years of promises, that seemed so delayed, are being fulfilled in ways that fill my mouth with laughter and my tongue with songs of joy. (Psalm 126:2)

He is my drug of choice. The one that always brings a new high that does not disappoint.

Refreshing comes from seeing and experiencing the Word as if I had never seen it before. Experiencing a new facet of His bigness satisfies and my hunger is quenched; then, like a drug, always stokes  longing for more.

The journey of knowing Him will never end. The many facets of His nature refresh me, reward me and make real the promised life and peace of His Kingdom.

In January of this year, our daughter Katy suddenly went home to Heaven. I have described that moment in another blog, but as the year has progressed I have learned more from it.

The most difficult thing to communicate about the moment was a suddenly, a flash when, even though Katy had passed before we entered her room, it seemed I was actually there as she exhaled her last breath here and then I got to participate with her as she inhaled her first breath there. And I too breathed in the dewy breath of Heaven with her.

Often, in your walk with the Lord, you don’t see ahead of time that He is preparing you with a strength you will need later. This year, that strength has been intimacy with the Lion of Judah. It is something He began with me years ago, but this year it has been a requirement and a fortification enabling me to walk in great peace and even rejoicing. Allowing me to stand in strength on days that it was harder.

For years now, I have learned my role as cherished daughter/bride as I spend moments of my day with my forehead and nose pressed to the forehead and nose of Jesus.

With Katy, there were many moments of our day when she would need that moment of intimacy with me and come near to press our faces together. In the same way, there are many moments of the day when I stop to press my face to His face and receive strength.

At any time I can stop and feel the warmth of His skin on my skin. I can see the swirls of color in His eyes. I feel His breath on my face. Literally, I am exchanging breath with Him. I have become familiar with His fragrance.

In her life, Katy taught me how to be friends with Jesus on a different level. In her passing on to Heaven, I have been fed by the roots that were deeper than I realized.

In the world today, much chaos is on offer. True peace is the Shalom of God that brings perfect order to chaos. There is only one sure way to true peace. That is to intimately know the One who IS Peace.

Spend time pressing your forehead to His forehead and your nose to His nose. Breathe His breath and be restored to Peace.

He is Mercy. He is Peace. He is Love. He came from Heaven and became a human so that you can feel the warmth of His skin on your skin. Breathe in His moist breath. See true and lasting love for you in His eyes. Rest your head on the chest of the Prince of Peace on a regular basis and you will become peace.

Some years ago the Lord suddenly presented me with an image that helps me understand how He sees time.  He showed me Himself (as a bottle of water) wrapped in a double helix, with one strand representing past and the other representing future.  He is in the center and touches on all points along the line at once.  Every moment, which to us represents past, present and future, is to Him – now.  Right now.  He is “I Am”.

When the Lord shows you something like this it can seem random.  But, of course, He does not give information for information’s sake.  There was something else He wanted me to understand.

In my ministry, I work with people who need healing of one kind or another.  Often, before they come to me, something has not been working and they have tried all the things that are supposed to make life work, but it hasn’t helped.  Or it helped for a little while, but then, as if they had been running around a track, they are in very familiar territory again.

As I listen to them, often there is a pattern to their experience.  With the help of Holy Spirit, I am allowed to ask the right questions that shed light on the root issue.  The issue is the thing that has been there, sometimes, for many years, but has been pushed down, tied up, gagged and made to be still for a little while.  But, in truth, it has not been very obedient.  It has squirmed and shouted out in anger, antagonized and pushed its head back up, seeking attention; only to be squished back into a room that is a little more rumpled than the last time.

Around the track they ran again, hoping the feelings of fear, sadness, shame or anger would stay hidden this time.  “Time heals all wounds.” they were told. But the persistent thought would find a way out in the wee hours, in “random” memories, in fragments or in crystal clear HD home theater screen images as if they were right back there again and again.

Often something happened when they were children, as teenagers or even young adults that wounded them and made them believe a lie about themselves or about relationships or about God or all 3!  It doesn’t have to look like a big thing to other people.  It just had to mark them and stick with them and be ruminated over without resolution.  A subtle lie can be the most successful lie of all because it has some truth and you miss the point at which it goes off course and believe the whole thing.

When a wound is ignored, it tends to get infected.  If it gets infected, there can be even worse consequences.

Like the lepers of ancient times who were robbed of their senses, we learn not to feel the pain.  But pain is a sign that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.  The dead feel no pain. Pain is a sign of life.  Life allows for healing.

Years before this, as I shared in a recent blog, the Lord showed me His heart toward people.  He let me understand that He has full knowledge of their life, their hearts and all the moments and circumstances that have made them the way they are. He loves each one and is full of mercy.

It pains Him when our feelings are hurt.  He cries with us when injustice occurs in our lives because of the free will of others.  His heart is wrenched when our innocence is stolen and our self-worth is shattered.  He hates to see His children confused, broken, believing lies that keep their hearts closed off. He shares in your wound and longs for you to bring it to Him, let Him look at it with you, let Him show you the truth.

NOW

For the Lord, the time of your wounding is right now.  He is living in that moment with you and He longs to pull you close, kiss your tears and comfort you right in that moment.  But we have to let Him.

Go there with Him.  He is waiting for you.  To replace the lie with the truth.  To show you what He wanted for you instead.  It can happen in a moment.  When He goes to the root of the matter, it doesn’t take years.  Everything can change in a moment!  He wants you to have that NOW!

When that memory comes up again.  Or, when you feel His gentle but persistent prodding about something that feels important but doesn’t make sense to you – that is the time to take it to Him.  Pour out your heart, He wants you to share it with Him.  You don’t have to be careful about your words.  Just be real with Him.  He already knows.

Now is the time that He wants to show you the truth so that the Truth can set you free!

He made you to live in wholeness of heart.  Not to keep your beauty hidden away behind numbness. He loves the heart He gave you. He loves your unique personality, voice, laugh… To be able to express the fullness of you, you must be free and you must receive your healing from The Healer.  Receive it now. Run in to His arms now.

Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

 

When I gaze into Jesus’ eyes I become like HIM.

Just like Jesus chose to die to Himself for us, Katy’s death also caused me to have to die to my desires and my way.

Biblical Principle: What I gaze upon I become.

This is very important for us in a time when everything in the media is trying to convince you to be afraid.

Do you know the story of Jacob and the spotted & speckled sheep?  After years of being cheated of his wages by his shifty father-in-law (FIL), Jacob cuts a deal that he gets to keep any livestock that are speckled or spotted, while his FIL gets to keep the more prevalent solid colored animals.

Inspired by Holy Spirit, as soon as Jacob noticed the stronger animals coming into heat, he cut streaks in the bark of some branches and threw them in the water where the animals had to go to drink.  They gazed upon the branches, then mated and produced speckled and spotted offspring. (Genesis 30:25-43)

Here is the same principle illustrated in New Testament, 2 Corinthians, 3:18 (NASB);

“But we all, with unveiled faces, looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”

Just so, gazing at Jesus makes me more like Him and we will produce fruit like the one we gaze upon.

Reality is in the Spirit

Have you ever been awake all night and afraid and thinking through all the problems, and what are you gonna do about it, and how to handle it, and just being in complete and utter fear and not able to sleep because of what might happen the next day or the next day…those are all in your imagination. They are not actually happening.  But the fear, the dread, the knot in your stomach, the feeling like you need to run to the bathroom is all very real to you.  

If someone else walked in the room, they won’t see any of those things happening.  They don’t see the thing that you’re dreading.  But for you it’s incredibly real because you imagined it.  You spent time in your imagination putting time and effort into making it real.  And if we spend a lot of time there we can make it become real.

Which is why the Lord says to spend our time thinking about things that are noble, and good and beautiful.  (Philippians 4:8)  Think about things that bring life, not things that lead to fear and death.

When Jesus was in the garden, spending time with the Father right before He was going to be betrayed and crucified, he was having a spiritual experience that was so real. He could not understand how the apostles could fall asleep when He was literally going though the most difficult time in His life. The worst time of His life, the hardest time of His life.  Because for Him, it was real.  

He was seeing in the spirit what was going to happen to Him.  Struggling through it with the Father and it was REAL.  It was as real as if it had already happened.  

So much so that He actually sweat blood.  Which is a medical condition that happens when you have been under so much stress that your body literally breaks all of the capillaries through the stress and blood pressure issues – the blood breaks through when suddenly, the stress is relieved.   

Did you hear that – MEDICALLY – the blood breaks through when the stress is released.  In other words, Jesus broke through to peace in His prayer.  He was able to bring himself to TRUST his Father so much, that he quieted himself to peace again.

But right before that, he was in a moment of anguish while the apostles were asleep.  He couldn’t imaging how they could be sleeping because in His spirit, He was in a very real battle; but they were spiritually unaware of what was happening.  

If you are a Christian you are supposed to live according to your spirit.  In fact,  the Bible says this about you:

“For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.”

The spirit world is where we need to gain our muscles.  We spend a lot of time making our brain strong. We have put a lot of information into our brain, but we haven’t put a lot into our spirit, which is where the Lord says that we need to focus.  Where He says that we need to grow muscles because that is the world where REAL is. Paul gives us one way to do that in 1 Corinthians 14:4.

So we need to learn to spend time with the Father in that REAL place, like Jesus did, so that whatever we walk through in the day that appears to be real, actually becomes much less real to us than where we are with Him throughout the day.

Remember Jesus said if you have SEEN Him, then you have SEEN the Father.  Jesus spent time gazing upon the Father and He is His exact representation to the world.  And that is what we are to be to the world too.

I want to encourage you; every day from now on, take some quiet time, get by yourself and sit with Jesus.  Just the two of you, pressing your foreheads together.  Enjoy the warmth of His skin against yours.  The fragrance of His life giving breath on your skin.  Allow Him to love you, to carry you, to speak truth to you. It is the most important time you can ever spend.  Your whole life depends on it.  All your realities will be birthed there.

Please check out this video- it will help you understand where I’m going next.

The Blessing Video

I wanted you to see the video of our family all over the world sharing in The Blessing. 

They are singing it in all the different languages and flavors and styles all over the world.

I believe in this season, many of you have been healed.  And, others of you are feeling the gentle prodding of Holy Spirit pointing to some things in you that He wants to heal.

We all need some more healing.  But if you are a follower of Christ Jesus, I believe every one of you has been set free in some way.  AND NOW, in all of the different expressions there are among us; all the beautiful and different flavors, life experiences, hair styles, laughs, skin tones, and languages, you are now set free TO SET OTHERS FREE!

My little daughter could not speak.  She couldn’t help herself eat or many other things that most of you take for granted.  But she could bless.  I can bless and YOU can bless.  You are so powerful if you KNOW JUST ONE THING: You are the Beloved of the Father because of Christ Jesus!

The word says, “Freely you have received, now freely give!!!” 

The ONLY thing you need is enough LOVE for that other person that you are willing to share your testimony; the story of your healing, your deliverance, your personal coming into the arms of the Father and receiving your freedom!

Share it your way.  In your flavor.  If you’re spicy, share it spicy.  If you’re funny share it funny.  If you’re quiet and tenderhearted – PLEASE, share it that way.   If you are silent – then share it powerfully in your silence like my Katy did.

Practice this truth to yourself, about yourself – That you are the Beloved of God! And because you are, you can help the rest of the “family” to know it too.

Let me bless you:

The Lord bless you with His Presence and provide for all your physical and emotional needs.  The Lord make His face shine upon you, resting his forehead against yours so that you see His great love for you and His joy in you, shining in His eyes. The Lord turn His face toward you until you see and understand that He is Creator, He is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.  And yet, His great power is for you. Until you marvel at how His peace crushes the head of the enemy so you can be unshakeable as you live in His peace.  May the lightenings of His love, received in the secret place, empower you to trust Him with all of you forever. Amen.

Featured image: © <a href=’https://www.123rf.com/profile_virtosmedia’>virtosmedia</a&gt;, <a href=’https://www.123rf.com/free-images/’>123RF Free Images</a>

In part 3 of 4 I want to show you one more piece of my relationship with Jesus that taught me my role as His beloved this year.

But I have to give you a little bit more background –

The one area where Katy did not begin at normal milestones was walking. One morning the Holy Spirit reminded me of an interview I had seen on TV way back when I was in high school, about horse therapy. That reminder inspired me to do a little research and I found there was a horse therapy center near our home.  Katy soon began Horse therapy and within a few months her core strength improved greatly and she began to walk!

Well that was the inexpensive part.  My husband and I started taking riding lessons, buying horses and then horse property in a whole other state was a bit more costly!

Bill and I took lessons at a dude ranch about an hour out of town.  The couple that ran the dude ranch were the real deal.  They had a stallion named Commander Jack.

We were newbies to horses and so were most of the people who showed up there.  So, in order to keep us safe, they cultivated a solid level of fear about getting too close to the stallion, Jack.

Jack was to be feared and avoided.  Jack was unpredictable.

Then suddenly, a few years later, to make a long story very short, Jack came to live with us in Texas! Along with his Mare and day-old filly.

We were just developing our horse property when this suddenly happened so we put them in temporary pens.  I had to go in there with Jack and feed him and clean the pen.  Thankfully by this time I had my own horses and had spent a few years with them, but they were not the dreaded stallion I had learned to fear!

Once when we were out of town, Jack got out of his paddock and off our property too. He went to visit some neighboring horses but, in the wee morning hours didn’t see the wire fence that tore his face half off!

When I returned I had to clean his terrible wound twice per day. Our relationship blossomed little by little – I had to clean the hay from his wounds and treat him with medicine and fresh bandages.  I’m sure it was painful, but he was tough. We grew in greater trust for one another.

Jack loved to eat, but our relationship had grown so close, that he would not eat until he had his hug!

You see the thing I feared had become my friend and we both looked forward to our daily cuddle.

One day, some years after I had taken Jack home to his Mom & Dad in Colorado, I was studying my Bible and suddenly I had an image of me with my forehead pressed up against Jack’s big black forehead. This had become our normal.

But THEN, the picture changed and the black horse became a larger black lion who I immediately understood to be Jesus.  We cuddled together just as Jack and I did.  I stroked His mane and, though I was aware of His great power, that I could suddenly die in His Presence; I knew with certainty, that His power was only ever for me, not against me.

I still meet with Jesus this way sometimes.  But most of the time, since He got me past this fear, I am actually hugging Jesus, stroking His beard as we press our foreheads together the same way that I would with Katy.

All of these pieces have led me, over about 10 years to KNOW that I know, that I know, in my deepest place how I AM the Beloved of the Father.

And I’m here to tell you, it changes EVERYTHING!

It changes how I SEE events in my life. How I see my struggles.

Just consider, if I am in a place of whole lotta month and too little paycheck but I know I am loved by my Father, will my attitude and expectation look different than if I think the Father is mad at me and I must have messed up again to end up here!?

Let me tell you, over the last 10 years, I have had many opportunities, in many different areas of life to think that.

This year started off with a big opportunity for dark thoughts.

A normal Tuesday, Katy had come home from school early because she was having cramps.  It was normal for her to sleep through the first day of her cycle and then sleep through the night too.   So she came home.  Had a bite to eat and seemed happy but wanted to go to bed. Normal.

I was going to go to choir practice that night and I wanted us to eat dinner together first. I didn’t want Katy to wake up hungry in the middle of the night because she had slept through dinner, so I asked my husband to get her up and bring her in since dinner was almost ready.

Suddenly he yelled my name.  By the tone of his voice, I ran for her room!

Bill and I had prayed and believed God for Katy’s healing here on earth for 20 years.  We had publicly proclaimed His faithfulness in this area too and we lived in hope and expectation of her healing.

Then, in the last two weeks of Katy’s life, there was some kind of tangible shift in the spirit. Everyone could feel it in Katy. She was more engaged. Even more joyful than usual, and I spent minutes at a time just staring at her; expectant that she would start talking at any moment.

Two days before, at church on Sunday, Katy had made the rounds to what seemed like EVERYONE she knew at church, hugging them and gazing into their eyes with the biggest smile on her face.  Several commented about the beautiful smiles she was giving out. They were expectant too.

That Tuesday morning when Katy was leaving for school, we were running late.  I put her in the car and ran back in the house to get ready for a meeting.  I almost forgot our daily blessing prayer!  I’m so grateful that the Lord didn’t let me. I ran back out, opened her car door before they pulled out, and pressed my forehead to hers saying:

“The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.  The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.”

Often when you were praying with Katy, she would look up above your head and smile at…angels?   That morning, as I prayed, she became so full of joy!  She suddenly whipped her head to look over my left shoulder.  When I wrote about it in my journal later, I wrote that she looked up at THEM.  Had they come to take her with them?

Looking back she seemed to be saying goodbye to everyone she loved at church on Sunday. “Goodbye for now, see you again soon.”

In the moment of finding her healed in a completely different way than I wanted, than I had believed for, than I expected…many things were going on at once – in an instant. Katy had already gone to Heaven.

My spirit and Bill’s were completely AWARE of Jesus’ Sweet Presence with us. There was no doubt about what had happened – Jesus took her home.

In that instant, I remember having the realization, “Oh, this is what You decided and You are Sovereign.  You are King and I am not.”

For some months before this, the King’s Peace had come to live at our house.  That’s the only way I know how to describe it.  But if I had anticipated this event, there is no way I would think Peace would be part of the picture.

Peace inhabited the room with us. I questioned if we were just in shock, because my heart wasn’t racing as it would normally if she had fallen or something.  My Dad always taught us not to panic.  “You can’t help anyone if you panic.”  So I could always help Katy in the midst of my racing heart.  But this was different.  My body was calm, my thoughts were clear.  The King’s peace was immovable.

Also, in the same moment, I felt the great honor of the King trusting us to suffer this enormous loss and still love Him.  It is, perhaps, the most honored I have ever felt.

Lastly, I witnessed in my spirit something I can only tell you about, but not explain.  I have had tastes of the dew of Heaven before, in moments of taking authority over darkness and inviting the Kingdom of Heaven to take its place.  But in this moment – though Katy had already gone on – It was as if I heard her last exhale here and felt the dewy environment with her as she took her first breath in the atmosphere of Heaven.

All those years of relationship and preparation were real.  All of the years spent with the Master was not so that I could get what I wanted, the way I wanted it. 

It was so that I would KNOW HIM. 

If I didn’t KNOW HIM in this season, I don’t know what life would have looked like this year. 

But as it stands for me today, my LIFE IN THE SPIRIT is so REAL that I truly can’t get to all the other negative possibilities.

My reality is that my God is Sovereign and that His will for me and mine is GOOD, Is RIGHT, Is KIND.  That He decided, AND that HE TRUSTS ME TO SUFFER THIS WITH HIM.

So much of what I have shared with you in the last 3 blogs has been my own spiritual experiences.

You COULD explain it away by saying that I have an active imagination or I’m crazy.  But my life has been built on spiritual experiences.

YET, when a natural experience like death takes place, my spiritual life has equipped me to deal with it in PEACE and not in CHAOS.  We will explore that more in part 4.  I invite you to complete the journey with me in part 4.

 

My daughter Katy could not talk, or stand up on her own from sitting or sit down on her own from standing.  She couldn’t control her hands very well, but what she could do was connect with the spiritual world and see the needs of people around her.  

Her silent way didn’t limit her ability to impact people’s lives. She would powerfully pray for people, or touch them and bring healing to their hearts.  Without words.

Katy’s favorite way to express love, if she really likes hanging out with you is to give you “nose-ies.”  Which would mean to press her forehead against your forehead and her nose against your nose.  Sometimes she would stare into your eyes and you both go crosseyed!    It is very intimate.  It is a silent, sweet and wonderful exchange of spirit to spirit love and acceptance.  She even did it with her animal friends.

You don’t typically do this with strangers, because it is very intimate. You see, when you press your forehead and nose to another, you feel the warmth of their skin on your skin.  You feel their breath on your face. You see the exact color of their eyes. 

But Katy is a barrier breaker and could get people to do things they wouldn’t normally do. I don’t know where she got that from? 😆  There are stories of Katy breaking down walls in strangers…for another blog someday.

You know, the special needs world is not anything anyone signs up for.  You get thrown into it; but there are benefits.  You know God doesn’t waste anything if you’re looking for it.  

Believe it or not, I am actually an introvert who just likes people too.  That’s Jesus for you.  If you start as an introvert, He will shift you toward extravert and if you start as extrovert, He will shift you toward introvert…You don’t get to be one extreme or the other.

So us introverts tend to internally process everything.  Lots going on inside, but usually in silence.  But THEN I had a daughter who suddenly couldn’t speak anymore.

It didn’t take too long to realize that it was easy to just be silent all day if the other person in the room isn’t talking.  So I had to decide to intentionally begin narrating our day to day story.  Moms do this anyway, it was just that I had to anticipate or perceive her questions and then answer them too.

I wanted Katy to understand what I was doing and why I was doing certain things.  The girl has got a good brain!

So I wanted her to learn about my world, learn at least intellectually how I did things even if she could never do them herself. YET!  I always believed there would be one day when she would be able to.

So I began to narrate.  It was one of the few ways I could include her in everything I was doing, thinking, feeling.  She would always perk up and pay attention.  Enjoying our time together.

You know what? That works with God too!  Except I don’t necessarily have to say it out loud.  But all day long as I go about things at work, at home, as I drive, take a shower, cook…whatever. All day long!

Do you remember during COVID, “The Blessing” song came out just when it was so needed?  At one point in the song they said: “In the morning and the evening, in your coming and your going, in your weeping and rejoicing, He is for you! He is for you!”  Truth.

So in whatever your are doing throughout your day, share it with HIM!  He is listening anyway.  But He wants you to engage in conversation with Him.  That means he will probably speak at times too.

Just like Katy, He is ever present, but usually silent on the outside.  Just like with Katy, it is easy to forget He’s there if you’re not in conversation with Him.

But He really wants you to understand what He is doing and why He is doing it. He wants you to learn about the motivations of His heart and how He really feels about you.

Just like any relationship, the more time you spend together the better you get to know one another and the more your friendship develops.  You get to trust one another and have certain expectations.  You come to know each other in the intimacy of your hearts.

Katy taught me how to be friends with Jesus in a whole new way.

Hi guys, it has been quite a while since I have added a blog post. As a matter of fact, the end of next month will be a whole year! So I have a lot to catch you up on.  Because of that and because of the work the Father has been doing in me, this will be a 4-part blog.  So consider this part 1 of 4.

You know I do a lot of healing and deliverance ministry with people, and it has really seemed this year there has been more need than ever!  

The Lord is making His Bride ready for His return.  He is coming for a spotless bride, so I have heard reports from all around and seen evidence in all the folks I have worked with that Holy Spirit has been bringing many deeply buried issues to the surface in the lives of His people.  It is time for overdue housekeeping in our souls, and Holy Spirit is really good at bringing it to our attention.

My own family have experienced healing and restoration in this year too. This year started off with an unexpected blow and recovery has taken time, patience and grace toward ourselves.  

I am a daughter of God and a friend of Jesus, yet the amazing strength and faithfulness of His Shalom (Peace) has been beyond anything I could have imagined.  The King’s peace has reigned in our lives as we have progressed and evolved in this year.  

2023 seems to be the appointed time for Holy Spirit to reveal festering wounds and lies we have believed, especially about Him.  He is tearing down strongholds we have lived under because we pushed down the pain.  

He is shining light on things hidden in darkness and then, if we are willing, helping us to heal and become strong.

If you have never been healthy, you don’t really miss your cast aside strength.If you have never been free, you don’t notice the weight of the shackles. But when you are suddenly set free there is less baggage taking up rooms in your heart.  Now it’s time for reorganization.  Time for understanding.  And definitely time to fill the voids with more of Jesus!

Your new freedom may make you a little uncertain, but let me tell you, you’re just getting used to the new normal, which is different for sure, but lighter and easier than the old.   

In this blog I hope to give you some keys that have helped me, so that they may help you breakthrough to JOY!

Often when I speak to groups or write blogs, I tend to be a bit teacher-y. I just want to tell you this will be kind of different.  

I’m gonna tell you a lot of little stories of when God stepped into my life at different times, knowing all the details that I didn’t even realize; that is, until it all came together this year.

He has used every part of my life, my thoughts, my fears…everything – to show me how KNOWN I am by Him.  AND to teach me and coax me along with Him.

Then I’m going to TRY to bring it all together for you and, hopefully, help you see that this is going on in your life too. OK?

But First A Bit of Background

About 12 years ago, after an especially rough year, I spent a few life-changing days with a couple of wonderful counselors; Jerry & Denise Basel. The duo helped me into a tremendous amount of healing and breakthrough!

They helped me understand some very important things that allowed me to forgive with greater understanding.

They taught me that we are spiritual beings and so, without meaning to, we apply many things we learn in life to God. Good and bad.  

For instance, if I had a good experience with my earthly Dad, I might be really comfortable with Father God. I would have a good expectation of how He treats me, etc.   But if I didn’t, I might have some very negative expectations of what He thinks about me, how he sees me, His opinion of me – whether or not He is safe.

The same is true in my experiences with siblings or friends – I tend to relate those relationships to my relationship with Jesus.

Finally because, as we know, Holy Spirit is the Comforter, we tend to relate our experiences of our Mom’s with Holy Spirit.  These things made sense to me.

So, like I hope many of you have done I chose to forgive my Mom.  Mostly for her need to control me.  (I had a really great Mom.  But because of her own wounds and the fear they caused, she felt safer if she was in control and “protecting” those she loved.)

In the next moment after I forgave Mom, I had what I now understand as an OPEN VISION.  In other words, I suddenly saw a spiritual story played out right in front of my open eyes while I sat in the room with these two wonderful ministers.  But they were not seeing the same thing I was.

In the vision I saw the faces of what seemed to be every person I had ever known up to that point.  Friends I had met recently, relatives, and even childhood neighbors I did not remember before that moment.  There was a red bloodline connecting all of them.

I was filled with a clear understanding that Jesus knew all of them, fully understood each one’s back story and loved them completely. Amazing.

(Now don’t get all crazy about the word “vision”, this is a very normal experience in the Bible, (yes in the New Testament too).  Check out the book of Acts – Ananias, Saul/Paul and Peter too.)

That experience confirmed to me that, just as I had not wanted my Mom to control me, I had also unconsciously feared that Holy Spirit wanted to control me; so I had blocked Him out.  The moment I forgave Mom, Holy Spirit came alive to me in a new way.  

Now I know that Holy Spirit will never control me – but I really wish He would!

Break for Background Again – Katy

My daughter Katy was born with special needs.  Well, we didn’t really know that at first.  Everything was normal at birth and she was easily hitting her milestones up to 15 months.

Then, over a weekend, after she had just said her first full sentence, she suddenly lost her ability to speak and her ability to use her hands for any purposeful tasks. For a time she developed a far away gaze, seemingly living in another world, apart from us much of the time.

After that weekend, Katy could no longer speak, could longer use her hands for purposeful things.

So she could no longer feed herself, could not dress herself, could not transition from sitting to standing or standing to sitting. She could walk, but not with great stability. 

Later, at the age she was when I was having this healing experience, she needed to wear her riding helmet as she walked around the house because we had tile floors and if she fell suddenly she fell like a tree, with no hands protecting her.

Well, if you are two Type-A people with lots going on, you adapt to life’s challenges. You learn to get around the difficulties so that your family can still have a life. We continued to travel, eat out and have a lot of social life with Katy at the center of our plans.

One of the ways we made those things more do-able was in how I walked with Katy. I wish I had a pic to show you our method.  But it was like this, I would hold her right hand in my right hand and I would put my left arm behind her and tucked my left hand under her left armpit.  That way she was safe no matter which way she might start to fall.  We could get going pretty fast.  We could have been pretty competitive 3-legged racers!

So that was background, but back to spiritual growth: Some months after that breakthrough weekend under Jerry & Denise’s prayerful guidance, I was with some mature friends who were praying and I asked a question and I don’t recall exactly what the answer was, but my friend simply said, ”We’re just trying to seek His Face.”  

I took her very literally!  When I literally tried to seek His face I realized I could only see the Father in my mind’s eye from His shoulders down.  I realized something must be blocking me.

I called on Jerry & Denise again to ask them what to do about it.  

They said, “Let’s ask the Father if there is a lie you are believing about Him.”  

So I did.  

The moment I asked I began to see a picture in my mind’s eye.  It was so very clear.  I saw a brushed and primped little dog with bows on its ears, sitting in a lovely dog bed by a perfect fireplace in a perfect home.

Then suddenly the scene changed and I saw Katy and me walking side by side down our wide hallway in the way I just described to you. My right hand holding her right hand; my left hand supporting her from behind.  She was safe, and I heard a voice say the word, “Cherished.”  

Suddenly I understood what the Lord was showing me.  You see, my earthly Dad was a very good provider.  He worked a lot and we had everything we needed. But when he came home, I often felt like the good little dog with all its needs taken care of.  When the owner returned, it got a pat on the head and that was about it.  

But the Lord was contrasting that lie with the truth.  I am not just a little dog to be patted on the head.  I am cherished by my Heavenly Father, just as Katy is cherished by me.

The little well cared for dog was the LIE I was believing about how my Father saw me.

As if I was well cared for and well provided for, but only someone to get a pat on the head when I had been a good girl.  

Katy, on the other hand was my CHERISHED daughter! She couldn’t really do anything FOR me, but I cherished her and cared for her and took care of all her needs out of love.  THIS was the TRUTH I suddenly understood!

The Father Cherishes me like I cherish my daughter? Wow!  I “knew that” in my mind, but I didn’t KNOW it in my spirit, soul and body as I do now until that moment.

And suddenly there was no distance between the Father and Me.

This is what it means when the Lord says, “Then you will know the truth and the Truth shall set you free.” John 8:32

I was set free by this truth to receive love from my Father.

By the way, not long after that “cherished” vision, Katy and I were laying on my bed laughing together, Katy began smiling up at the ceiling. I looked up to see what she was smiling at and I suddenly could see the Father (like in an outlined form) smiling down on us over the side of his throne! So pleased!  Such amazing fruit of getting rid of that lie!

Another nugget I gleaned from this experience was this. I cherish Katy because she is my daughter.  She is part of me and I delight in her.  I love her even though she lost all of the abilities that made it possible for her to be independent of me.

So this revelation was bigger than, “Wow! He loves me as much as I love her!”

You see, Katy had NO WAY to earn my love.  In many ways she remained like a baby, completely dependent on us for everything.  She needed help to eat, to be dressed, to get to the bathroom, to stand up or sit down, to go to bed.  

She could do nothing to impress me (though she often managed to anyway) but, you know what I mean. She was super smart, but she wasn’t winning awards at school or for her athletics or music or…anything.  I love her because she is mine and I cherish her.  

The Father was showing me that, in my relationship with Him, I am JUST LIKE THAT!  I am not winning his love by my perfection.

He loves me because I am part of Him.  I am IN Christ Jesus.  I am one with Him and He is one with the Father. We exist in love for one another.  The Father is not ashamed for us to be called His children because Jesus has made us perfect in His sight.  We are his cherished children in whom he delights.

When we believe the truth about how the Father see us and cares for us, we are set free.

Recently I was in a very mixed group of people in a 3 week class. Lots of them do not know the Lord at all.  I loved it!  I didn’t realize how much I had missed them. They are so hungry for the love of the Father!

Thinking about them I realized it has been a long time since I shared with anyone the basics of what the gospel actually is to me.

I would want be able to share it with them in the simplest way while still being complete.  At first it felt a little overwhelming. Over the years I have come to know many aspects of the heart of God. But I know my best professors in school were the ones who could take their years worth of learning and condense it down so that anyone, with a heart to understand, could grasp the message.  Jesus was that kind of teacher.

After some days thinking about this, the following is, I hope, an inspired explanation of the Gospel of Christ as I know it today.  I bless you to find freedom and joy in the heart of the Father as we enter into a brand new year.

The Good News

The Father took each of us from His own heart and gave us life by His breath. In this act, He imparted His eternal nature to our spirits and our spirits will exist forever because He does.

In the garden, man and woman lived in oneness with God, learning His nature and His ways. The evidence of oneness was before them in God Himself, the three in one, they saw perfect oneness at all times. And the God of love gave the people He made the most loving and valuable gift, freedom to choose.

But the enemy came to steal away this oneness, to kill the growth of our knowing God and used our own gift, choice, against us to destroy the peace that was among us.

The first man and woman were persuaded that God was holding out on them and that in disobeying God, they would receive something that they actually already had; they would be “like God”. Though they had been warned by God, they succumbed to the temptation and chose spiritual death.

Now spiritual life and death is comparable to light and darkness. No one can give you some darkness, it simply exists when there is no light. Likewise, no one can cause an eternal thing to stop existing, but spiritual death exists when there is no spiritual life. Separation from God is the absence of life and light. Separation from God is spiritual death.

But God always planned to make a way for us to be restored to His heart. If we flip to the last pages of the Bible, Revelation 21:3-4, and see God’s dream revealed and fulfilled. It is this:

“Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away”.

In Romans 8:22-23, we see that He put this same desire within us and even in the rest of creation:

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.

So how could that come about after we chose death? Our perfectly just Father has to punish sin, so how could he rescue us without killing us too?

As one, the Godhead planned to send the Father’s perfect Son to become one of us. They actually planned for this before the earth was made, before we blew it. He came to be just like us; He chose to be limited in all the ways we are limited, having the same gift of choice we have, and to demonstrate a perfect life; but also to suffer death for us so that the justice of God would be fulfilled in Him, instead of in us.

Just like we do, Jesus suffered betrayal, humiliation, ridicule, contempt, rejection, hatred, but then He was so badly beaten and whipped that His face was unrecognizable as human. After that, His head was impaled by a crown of terrible thorns and then He was nailed to a wooden cross by having his hands and feet nailed through to the wood. All of this followed the torturous anticipation of knowing in detail what He would suffer for us.

Why would an innocent person agree to this? The Roman governor declared Him innocent 3 times. Why suffer and not try to prove your innocence? Why accept even the accusation, much less the violence? Answer: Love.

But He wasn’t done yet. Many martyrs have died for many causes over all the centuries. But not one of them, however worthy, gained eternal life for their followers, or for those who were grateful. Jesus didn’t stop at dying for us. Jesus completed our restoration to the Father by overcoming death and the grave forever in His resurrection from the dead. He gave us a brand new life in Him.

By his love, Jesus reconciled every person and the whole of creation back to the Father. Now, it is our free choice whether or not we accept this gift and receive our salvation.

When we choose salvation, we get the biggest gift of all, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. The person of God comes to reside within us to strengthen us, to convict us of sin, to give us understanding and guide us and comfort us forever. He will never leave us.

His Presence makes us brand new creations, we are completely unlike our old selves because of His Presence. In choosing life in Jesus, we must also choose to let our old self die. With His help, over time, we can put to death the deeds of our sinful nature and really live!  Our old way of living begins to peel away like the layers of an onion.  We have never before known freedom, but as the layers fall away we begin to know true joy and abundant life. This is how we become Sons of God.