Baring it All Before Him
What does it mean to have intimacy with God?
Intimacy is the very thing I’d been longing for my whole life, for someone to know the depths of me, but little did I know the vulnerability it would take on my part. I thought I could be intimate with someone by just coming close to them, by learning about them, by spending time with them. And yes while I think those are necessary means, if you’re not willing to let that person see your heart or expose your own thoughts, then it’s really a one-sided relationship.
I knew there was junk in my heart that I didn’t want anyone to see, gross things, the nastiest of nasty. Perhaps I was too ashamed to approach my Father thinking He couldn’t stand to see the mess of me. Perhaps I was too self-righteous saying, “I can deal with this on my own God I don’t need you.” Sometimes I’d fight submitting to my Healer by running to food or the gym, or I’d stuff my head full of sermons so that my heart wouldn’t hear God speaking to me. However, all the running and filling was never a match for the surpassing love of the “lover of your soul”. You can’t outrun God. When I finally said “Here, you can have my junk; I’ll let you see into my hurts (as if He couldn’t already see),” I was undone by the the overwhelming tenderness my Father carried. He said, “I show you these things so I can take what was never meant to be yours and restore you to the person I see you to be–whole, complete, lacking nothing in Me. I need your permission; I don’t force myself into those areas of your heart, though I want so desperately to help you. You must not see me through the eyes of someone wounded by an abusive earthly father or through the eyes of a non-committed boyfriend. I am forever with You and won’t ever leave. This relationship is built on trust. The more you see my goodness, the more you can trust me and the deeper we will go.”
When I come to understand that God knows the junk inside even before I’m willing to deal with it, it helps. It helps knowing God isn’t pointing out sin or shortcomings to demean you or show you how much you’re falling short; He exposes those things to show us how much we need him. He’s the only one who has the power over sin, to bind up the wounds of the broken hearted. That very person lives inside of us! How exciting! He’s not going anywhere!
We are all on our own journey with Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit. Or maybe you’re not and long to know Him (Please ask to know Him if that’s you). One of my favorite things I’m learning to do on my journey is lie naked before the most trustworthy person that ever existed so that His strength, might, love, and power can be seen through me. Let God wreck you in a wonderful way, so that he may reveal the beautiful you He already sees.