Deeper
So… Can God talk to you through your Pilates Instructor? He sure can!
In this morning’s class my Pilates instructor, in her best teaching voice and with her German accent, repeatedly poked at my quadricep and repeated “Jax, let this muscle go, relax it, surrender it into my arms.” After failed attempts, she warned me that if I do not learn to let go, then I won’t be able to go deeper”. In the natural she was talking about the deep muscle tissue in my mid section that activates when your flat on your back and your legs are lifted away from you, but GOD was talking through her, inviting me to a call that I have not answered for a long time. “Relax in me” he says… “Surrender” “I have you” and I want your obedience… Not your control, and when you learn to let go, then I can take you deeper!
Although I am very encouraged by his words through my Pilates instructor… I still don’t know yet how to let go of all the control? Yet! But if I keep HIM as my focus then he will teach me. What a great hope!
Love Story
Just a glimpse…………………. into my “Love story” ❤️
It all started from a place of “Once upon a Time” when I met the love of my life, my high school sweetheart, the one I knew I would live happily ever after with for the rest of my life. (At least from the understanding that you can have as a 15 year old with dreams for life and a future of forever.) After dating for 3 1/2 years through high school, we married, went to Bible school, into the ministry, had 2 wonderful sons and an adventurous life.
There were ups and downs through life that helped to develop and define who we were, but most of the down times came from outside events and people, not the inside of an incredible fun filled marriage and family. We were told by many through our 32 years of marriage that we were an incredible example of what life and marriage should truly be about. We were humbled by this and somewhat surprised that it was not a difficult thing for us.
I often said that we had a supernatural marriage as we learned how to be very compatible. We each favored one another and loved pleasing the other. We kept our relationship alive by what most people described as being constant newlyweds. Since I am one who gives my all in anything I truly love, commit to and make covenant with, I did just that. I found great satisfaction in being a helpmeet, submitting, doing and serving those that God had entrusted into my life to care for.
Our marriage was not at all one sided, as I was greatly spoiled. I did not know how much cream I put into my coffee, how to pump my own gas or how to get places that were beyond my scope of direction in about a 15 mile radius. (I often jokingly said that I could never leave my husband because the best I could do was to go sit in the backyard.) I was often surprised with gifts, many at work that made the other girls jealous. They would make fun as they saw him coming in the front door with flowers, a cup of coffee or something else in his hands. We loved life, loved being together 24/7 with no apologies.
We had traveled on the road as evangelists with our 2 sons for many years and loved it. (or at least most of it.) We helped each other do everything. I was “helped” with the housework and I helped with yard and ministry office tasks as we saw this as a means of getting it done quickly so we could go have fun and do what we wanted to do. There weren’t many places that you would see us apart. My husband even liked going to women’s conferences because they were usually much deeper than what the men put on. We both loved God with all our heart, had the same passions and enjoyed life fully.
Generally when you make plans for your life……you usually just assume that you will follow and fulfill all that God speaks to you and shows you to do. You assume, that you will grow old together and enjoy all the things you have found fun in life as long as you are able to continue to do them. BUT—We had no idea that all our plans, dreams and every part of life was about to make an abrupt change when a diagnosis of stage 4B colon cancer came at us on January 14, 2013.
We were totally caught off guard as we had been strolling along doing life as normal when our world was shaken. I had known of Spiritual Warfare many times before, as I had often been engaged for my family and our future. But all of a sudden this was huge. You better believe that I jumped into the place of defense when my best friend, lover and partner was under attack. On one occasion, I actually got up on the hospital bed to remind him of a sermon that he preached about David and Goliath: (When David picked up the stone to initiate his faith as the giant was coming down, God joined in to manifest his power behind it to see the enemy defeated.) So, I stood over the top of his bed declaring that if he picked up the stone I would help him to throw it but he had to pick up the stone…..He looked up me and smiled and said, “I Love Your Passion.”
I gave it all I had during the next 6 months, with no regrets or ever feeling that I didn’t give everything I had. Even during the times I felt weary and wasn’t sure if I had it in me, I stood guard as others engaged in this raging battle as well. There wasn’t a moment in time that I wasn’t faithful to my post as a watchman, intercessor and defender. After all, my life was at stake here as well. I was fully aware that if my best friend didn’t make it through this, that I would be unsure of what the future held for me. I had chosen a life of being completely dedicated to the cause of my family and the ministry that God had given us. I liked being in the background to just support and cover in prayer. But now all that was being threatened.
On July 9, 2013, 6 months later everything changed.——The battle that I had given my life for, didn’t end the way that I thought that it would. I have to say that I was crushed.
My faith had remained strong with never a doubt that my God was going to heal my partner. In an already weakened place, the enemy threw every dart he could at me, causing me to question and be offended at the God I loved. It was difficult for me to understand why, (as we stood on the word in truth and belief), that God didn’t come to my rescue and answer my prayers the way we felt He should.
During the next 6 months I wrestled and fought with the God I love. He was so gracious and long suffering to put up with my childish behavior, as I told Him I didn’t like where He had left me in this situation. I told Him I knew how to get under the shadow of His wings but His feathers were poking me. It is truly a miserable place to wrestle with the God you love. Again He was so patient with me to allow me to throw my tantrum. I knew He was close by and at times I would acknowledge Him but tell Him not to touch me.
When your heart is “broken,” God can pour in the healing balm of Gilead, but He didn’t promise that it would not burn or be painful.
You see, as we pass through His fire of love, if you keep going, you won’t get burnt, only refined. That is the part that we usually do not like. His goal is always to make us more like Him.
WHAT I HAD NOT SEEN……
As much as I loved MY beloved, I have one that loves me much more than I could EVER love. As hard as I fought for MY beloved….I have one that fought harder for me than I could EVER fight. The same love that I gave over a lifetime, is the same devoted love that Jesus gives to me. The same way I stood over to declare and fight, was the same intensity that Jesus fought for me during the days of my struggle.
The one who knows me best and is the “true lover of my soul”, He walked me through the most difficult thing that I had ever experienced. He held my hand even when I tried to pull away. This is the ultimate “LOVE STORY”! He is the LOVER of OUR soul that doesn’t give up on us, who is relentless and contends for us until we finally recognize His goodness on the other side of our circumstances.
If there were more time…..there are so many God kisses, God encounters and little details that I would love to share with you that happened during this incredible journey with the only one that can truly love me.
Marketplace
My husband Sam and I are blessed with a successful business and we are in weekly contact with hundreds of people who work with us.
Just recently on a day that is set aside for training, the leaders in our office switched it up and to our surprise created a day of honor for my husband and me.
They sat us in chairs in the front of the room. In a crowd of 100+ people, they opened the floor for people to come up, one after another, take the mic and bless us with their words.
Obviously, for me the tears began to stream as person after person told of the personal impact that we have had on their lives.
They didn’t talk so much about the fact that we have showed them how to have a successful business, although we train on that consistently. No one talked about the unbelievable amount of money they make because they are in business with us.
But people spoke more about how their marriages are still together because of us, and about the times we visited them in the hospitals when their children were born. They spoke of times we came to see them when they were sick in the hospital. Some talked of the word or words that meant so much at just the right time when they needed them the most. So many said they were better people because of us. Others talked about the fact that they know we cover them in prayer and how much that meant to them. More than once we were praised for our unashamed declaration that Jesus Christ is Lord and all the Glory goes to Him.
Now understand, I am not sharing this to brag or make my husband and me look good but there is a point to all of this. You see, Sam and I have made it our personal mission to deliberately show the love of Christ and to proclaim his goodness at all times. We have often been called pastors because we take our Marketplace ministry so seriously. Yes, our marketplace ministry. The ministry that lives beyond the sanctuary we attend. This ministry lives beyond Sunday morning.
I was so thankful to God because I know that he had everything to do with that day for me and Sam. For me, it was a kiss from heaven. I felt it was HIS way of saying it wasn’t in vain and HE is pleased.
You see, Sam and I have decided that we will do ministry in the marketplace. We live out Christ everyday of the week and never pass an opportunity to be his voice, hands and feet. We never pass an opportunity to give him glory. Hearing the impact of many instances we didn’t even remember doing but TO GOD BE THE GLORY!
That is exactly what He calls us all to do. Spreading the love of Christ will draw people to Him.
We are all around people that may never step in a church. Some people may never read a Bible. We have to walk out our lives in such a way they will see the Christ in you. I want people to see the Jesus in me. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people God has placed in my path.
It isn’t because you walk around quoting scriptures and things like that or acting super holy or better than those around you. It is a lifestyle. It is through the kindness, the forgiveness, the hugs, the silent and secret prayers, the love, the sharing and giving.
I give God all the Glory because I know He used me and Sam to be a blessing to all those people. That is such an honor in itself. We are being used by God! I love it!!
We will continue to be the light Christ has called us to be. Make the decision that you too will let your light shine and together we will change the world.
Matthew 5:14-16
““You are the light that shines for the world to see. You are like a city built on a hill that cannot be hidden. People don’t hide a lamp under a bowl. They put it on a lampstand. Then the light shines for everyone in the house. In the same way, you should be a light for other people. Live so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.”
Matthew 5:14-16 ERV
Where Were You God?
By Pam McElhaney
As I was sitting before the Lord this morning in my quiet time I caught myself pondering a very difficult season in my life. Where were you God? I know you make all things work together for my good but I just needed to know where you were.
I sat for a moment and went back to that season in my life where I felt abandoned, afraid, lonely, and isolated. There was cruelty and misunderstanding. There was betrayal of the worst kind. Betrayal by the people I trusted. The feelings were still there just as raw. Tears came to my eyes. I never sensed your presence. I never saw your shadow or a glimmer of you in the pain. Where were you God?
Then a thought…maybe I made it up. I sensed it was your still small voice speaking,
“Did you ask me to open your eyes? Did you want to see the broken the way I see them? I tried to show you but you were too busy. You rushed quickly past the hurting people I placed in your path. You passed right by the wounded. the abandoned, the lonely. You had a smug answer for their plight. You assumed their irresponsibility caused their pain. Funny thing that your pain was caused from the sin of someone else. You never believed that people could be that cruel. You never knew anyone could be that afraid or that isolated or that innocent people could be wounded beyond imagination. How could someone you loved for so long abandon you so completely and hurt you so intensely?”
Awe! I think I am beginning to to see! Lord forgive my calloused heart. Sometimes we are broken as a result of someone else’s brokenness. Let my heart’s cry be, “Send me the broken and wounded and I will minister healing. I will be the change I want to see in the world.”
A Moment of Clarity at 3:28 a.m.
My daughter and I were having some problems communicating; that is unusual for us, so it was weighing heavily on me. She was out late and I felt hurt and angry at her because I was having to get up and give her dog, Awlee, a bath. It turns out Awlee is allergic to fleas so we have to give her a flea pill because she has a terrible reaction to flea bites and starts pulling her hair out. 😁 We must have missed a pill and Awlee was fussing and scratching and keeping me awake.
Finally, I got up and put her in the bathtub. As I washed her, I imagined Jesus washing the fleas off of me, He wouldn’t be mad or complaining, He would just do it! Then the song, “Good Good Father” by Housefires, went through my head so I began to listen to it:
“I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
But I’ve heard tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone
You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am”
As I listened all I could see was an image of a knife being sharpened. It was clear, all of my trials lately are just to “sharpen” me! He Is a good good Father! At that moment my perspective had been changed; “Awww, you’ve been here the whole time!”
“When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” Genesis 28:16 NIV
Cold Turkey
I love coffee! Coffee, coffee, coffee! I drink it all day long. It helps me keep going. It helps me accomplish and achieve even when I’m tired; to keep going. Much of my life I’ve proved my worth by achievement.
Recently I struggled with fatigue. Fatigue and heaviness that would last for days and I didn’t want to go to work or even get out of bed. I wasn’t making time to go to the gym and I gained weight. So I started to see the connection between my health and my need for approval through my work. I know that too much coffee is not good for me, but I was using it to help fulfill my emotional need for approval, so I kept on drinking it. I had tried to cut back. I even felt jealous of my friend who drinks coffee guilt free. I asked God, “Why is it ok for her to drink coffee?” No reply.
As my guilt grew, I resolved to do a cold turkey coffee fast!
Headache! It was horrible. I felt terrible all day and then I was supposed to have a special date with my husband that night and he asked me not to start the fast that day so that we could have an enjoyable date. I had a cup of coffee and I felt so much better!
Then another friend told me she had been thinking of doing a fast for a prayer concern. I said I knew it was time to get a handle on my health and not be bound by coffee or anything else, so, with my usual moderate approach, I was about to start a 40 day juice fast. Did she want to join me? She agreed and we put together a little strategy for how to do it, complete with scripture to read and I sent her a website that gave advice on how to break a fast etc. Everything was set, until the next day.
After reading through the website, my friend pointed out that our 40 day fast would end the day before Thanksgiving. Not ideal since it takes about 5 days to get back to solid foods after a lengthy fast. She also felt like the Lord had given her a caution that morning and told her to fast for only 15 days. She also told me that she and her husband were not planning to give up coffee as a part of their fast, because that would just be mean!
I started to reconsider. I stayed home that morning to start the fast with focus. I was in my prayer room talking to God about all of this. I was wrestling with how much of a struggle this was and the burden of it all, but really wanting to do what He wants me to do. Afterward I got up to do some housekeeping chores. I was in the laundry room when felt the Lord’s presence and He started talking to me. I RAN back to my prayer room!
When I got there, out of breath, the Lord said, “I was talking to you in the laundry room, why did you run back here?” I roared with laughter–at myself. Then he gently told me, “I never said you couldn’t have coffee. You said that.”
All the guilt and wrestling I had been through was really my own doing. He just wanted me to acknowledge my motives for drinking coffee and for working so hard and to create some moderation in my life. I know in my head that I’m already accepted and loved by Him, but I needed to be convinced of it in my heart too.
Although once I started my fast it didn’t last long, I saw immediate breakthrough. I tried to make it harder on myself than what God was asking me to do, but He honored my obedience to start it. One reason I had wanted to fast was to have a business breakthorugh. I think it had already been happening but I couldn’t see it until I started the fast. It was happening and has continued to happen.
The biggest take away from this experience was the best: He showed me the vast difference between truly Seeking Him and Striving. When I seek Him, all things are possible. The more I seek Him out and look for Him the more I can do.
Wholehearted Women 
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